Sunday, August 9, 2009

Lucky # Slevin (2006)


Welcome to the world of crisp, cool crime stories where innocent little Josh Hartnett has to deal with a bunch of brunt gangsters that want money from him. You have to listen to all of them talk their heads off, even if they're not directly related to the plot. You will have to watch the portrayal of a Jewish mafia, which is borderline anti-semitic. You will watch Morgan Freeman be a gangster too, as head of a mob with his matter-of-factly facial expressions. Less words and more staring at your constipated face, is the name of the game.
The girl next door is Lucy Liu, who (is tiny in stature and) spends the movie fawning over Josh Hartnett. She just can't get enough of this guy. Is she really that small? It didn't seem that way in Charlie's Angels.
Anyway in the end, the good guy kills the bad guy, so happily ever after right? Naw, pretty much every character in this movie was a fucker. The bad guy loses, the good guy wins, and I lose for watching this faggoty movie.

Rating: 40%

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Babel (2006)


When I first discovered Apple Trailers, I watched a segment for this and was intrigued. I wondered how this one movie could weave together some tribals in Afghanistan, a blond couple on vacation, Mexico, and some Japanese people. Well they did it. They're lives are all related in some weird way, and the tribals are in Morroco, not in the Afghans. Could Babel be about globalization? Language barriers? The story has more to do with Babelfish than the Tower of Babel. In fact, language barriers hardly come into play in the story, and most of the plot is moved along by the unintended aspects of human individual ambition. Cool movie, but I don't see a moral. Oh, and Brad Pitts in it. He's cool.

Rating: 60%

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Wall Street (1989)


So I guess this is what the financial market was like in the 80's. Man, look at those shitty computers, and are those ledgers? How did they manage to do all this market trading stuff on a green screen? The dress code looks the same. The snide, slightly restrained douchebaggery is also the same. But my god, look at all that paper! Nobody uses paper anymore, in fact, I think all that stock market data is computer generated. So now I'm wondering why brokers are so busy these days, when the computers are doing all the work for them. Can you imagine calling your broker to ask for a price check? HAHAHA nobody would ever do that.
Oh, I almost forgot. This is basically Boiler Room but with Micheal Douglas instead of Ben Affleck. The similarity is remarkable but this is the original.

Style is too old.
Rating: 40%

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Honor Among Charities

Every time I see a TV advert for the cause of a charity I vomit internally. How counterproductive is that? They're spending donated money on advertisements in hopes of netting even more donated money. It seems predatory, even fraudulent in my eyes.

The modern charity has its roots in religious tithing. The devout would give a portion of their income (usually around 20%) to the church, which would in turn, give it to the poor and needy and whoever. But before doing just that, the clergy would take a portion of that money for themselves, using the funds to build an even more grandiose church with more buttresses and stained glass, thus attracting more to their flock. The power of the churches grew and grew, eventually leading to centuries of religious war and other bullshit.

Following the decline of the religious powers, nation states often took over the role running charities. Unfortunately, this system worked poorly as well, mostly due to the dampening effects of corruption and excessive bureaucracy that shunted the donated money to other places, such as war funds, royal coffers, and back to those damn churches.

As the world approached modernity, people increasingly distrustful of big government would take on the role of charitymaker themselves, founding philanthropist organizations that would serve as the agents of action for giving to the poor and needy. That's where we are now. But starting last year, everything changed.

The current economic recession not only pulled back on consumer spending, but also cut private donations. In effect, the cash flow to these houses of charity dried up. And that is why almost every day, I have to hear from charities begging for money. I am tired of hearing people pandering for chump change and constantly shouting "GIVE" in my face. For me, this recession has exposed great flaws in the modern charitable organization. Charities suck and they're annoying. Starting this year, they've also become desperate, in addition to being an annoyance to me.

When a person says "I donated $1000 to charity", that is incorrect. He is actually saying, "I donated about ($1000 * 0.65) to charity and I unknowingly gave ($1000 * 0.35) to some strangers that don't even need the cash but took it anyway."

Rather than constantly asking people to blindly give them chunks of money, they should be required to use a more honest approach. Charitable organizations should have a 0% expense ratio requirement. Instead of stealing cash from their own donation bins, they should charge an expense fee for donating money to their cause. For example, if you donate $1000 towards the Sudan, $1000 of your dollars would be spent on procuring food staples for the Sundanese. A separate fee would be charged by the organization to take your money. Similarly, if you donate $1000 to researching cures for disease, $1000 should be spent on medical research, and not 50% into funding research and 50% into a stupid candlelit relay race at a track and field.

Imagine what this would do for the world of philanthropy. Donations would be properly segregated into charitable money and wasted money. Charities would have to openly reveal how much of your donation they bite off when they charge you the expense fee, incentivizing them to keep internal waste to a minimum. Shitty charities would die off, leaving only legitimate charity organizations behind. Television adverts would stop. Door to door clipboard artists would cease to exist. There would be no guy dressed in a Santa suit ringing a bell for your coins.

And that's how the system should be working. Personal donations aren't some cash cow. A donation is money given in goodwill to a total stranger on the promise that it will be used for a beneficial cause. The middleman needs to be kept honest to stay a middleman.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

3:10 to Yuma (2007)


Wow this is a really awesome western. I usually don't go for these types of movies, simply because I find the dusty dry scenery to be unappealing, but when I saw Russell Crowe and Christian Bale on the cover, I knew this had substance. Every time someone dies, expect it to be good. Each death is profound. Every corpse has meaning, and that's how it's supposed to be. People have to die for a reason. When I watch a western, I don't want to see a horde of retarded outlaws play shoot-em-up with a bunch of stupid sheriffs like some kind of outback holocaust. I want to see a bad guy fighting with an ordinary person that's incredibly determined. Show me accomplished and philosophical characters that share the same common sense but choose different sides. Top it off with good acting and you're done.

Amazing line: "Tommy was weak. TOMMY was stupid. Tommy. Is. Dead."
Rating: 100%

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Paycheck (2003)


After so many years of hearing about this from other people and shrugging, I finally got this fucking movie and actually watched it. Meh. Modern action movie with high tech gear and a man/woman celebrity pair, period. That's all you're gonna get from this movie and you will remember nothing more profound than that. Ben Affleck is this secret agent that does backwards engineering for rival corporations and then gets his memory erased after the job is done. Following one of the routine mind wipes, weird things start happening that unravel an action packed mystery. Cool premise.

Where this movie falls below par is in the characterization of the bad guys, which were often excessively stupid or had motives that just didn't make sense. It annoys me to see characters doing unreasonably stupid shit. The story depends on the human quality of the antagonist, and when the bad guy is stupid, the story becomes stupid. The result: the plot fails. Ben Affleck swinging a wooden staff around also annoyed me. Why did they put that in there? Nobody wants to see Affleck doing kung fu. I've seen people on the street do much better.

Rating: 50%

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Lost City (2005)


The aforementioned "lost city" is Havana, where we get to see old democratic Cuba get swept over by communism. My god, the sacrifices that must be made to enact societal changes are brutal. The once noble families divided by these conflicting pluralistic and socialist ideologies face disappointment beyond measure. A lifetime of regret and shame awaits them once they escape to the States.

As the movie depicts it, Havana was good thing in the world that got destroyed, the symbol for which is an innocent city nightclub that gets ended by the Fidel Castro society. Because the American east coast has a large Cuban diaspora, hollywood movies like this often turn into tacky anti-communist art forms. But I didn't find that to a particular problem here. Instead, what I found to be more of a problem was that there was too much irrelevant conversation that bored the shit outta me. Show me more guerilla warfare!

Rating: 40%