Max Payne (2008)

God damnit not another bad movie based on a good video game. I was bored from the very beginning, mostly because Max was a lot cooler in the game.
I found myself direly wishing I was playing Max Payne rather than sitting through Mark Wahlberg's half assed attempt to pull it off. What does he think this is? The Italian Job? Stop interrogating and torturing people. Stop asking stupid questions like, "What?" and "Who do you think you are?". Is Max Payne in a fucking rock concert? What's with all the talking? Where is all the vividly dark narration? Why isn't he taking any painkillers? Did the director do ANY research? FUCK!

Fuck this nonsense I'm going back to playing MaxPayne2 Extra Blood Mod.
Rating: 20%

The Office Season 5

Thanks to hulu, I can watch this show consistently enough to follow the story. Grade A corporate jokes with a weird feeling of being a semi-invisible cameraman. After going through about a half dozen eps, I have finally derived the formula.

-Start-

Intro designed to dumb down the atmosphere

STARE AT THE CAMERA

Dwight and Jim fuck with each other's office supplies

Stupid coworker stereotype joke

STARE AT THE CAMERA

Something reeeeally awkward

STARE AT THE CAMERA

My boss is a dumbass joke

STARE AT THE CAMERA

Dwight and Shrute do something really gay

Character Shuffling

-END-

Works every time!
Rating: 100%

Densha Otoko Deluxe (2006)

haha I love this show. This shit is so funny. Actually this wasn't part of the show, it was just some kind of TV special. These Otaku are doing their funny Otaku things, and even though they're trying to interact with normal society, weird things keep happening that screw them up. The guy that plays Densha is such a good actor. His behavior and monkey-like appearance are just perfect. Anyway, the story is just hardcore madness. You would have to totally fucking insane to think like these people.

Rating: 60%

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

This was what I saw on my flight back to the United States. It was the only thing that was watchable. Personally, I don't understand why this even exists. There was the other Hulk movie in 2003 that was exactly like this one; big huge reluctant green guy, white girl that wants to save the green guy, angry military guy that wants to kill the green guy...ja ja ja.
The only difference perhaps between the 2003 and the 2008 versions is that Hulk doesn't do any of that jumping through the stratosphere and that there is a "new Hulk" or Hulk level 2 or some shit that didn't really cut it for me.

Hulk, or any split personality character, is a good role for Edward Norton. Just like Fight Club but less homosexual.
Rating: 30%

Yume Wo Kanaeru Zou (2008)

The title of this show means something along the lines of "elephant that grants wishes". Ahh another crazy Japan TV show. This one caught my interest immediately with the presence of Japanese Ganesha, a stout oyaji with an elephant nose + deity crown. Without subtitles I couldn't understand it completely, but basically, this girl is having a hard time and domestic Ganesha comes and help her with stuff.
In the middle of the show I left to run an errand. By the time I came back, the cast now included super gaijin Julius Caesar, Nobunaga, and a Japanese woman cosplaying as Marie Antoinette, in addition to Ganesha. What the fuckkkk. This cannot be explained.

Rating:50%

Planet of the Apes (2001)

I couldn't understand why, but I knew that I'd seen this somewhere before. It must have been a while back, 7 years in fact, when I actually watched movies in a "theater". hah! At the time, I was a Sophomore in high school and this was the movie of the summer. Watching it then and now was quite a different experience. Somehow, knowing that the main character was Mark Wahlberg changed my perspective. Having watched LotR about 50 times since then, I was much more keen of the phantasmological feel. Yet, the quality was lacking. This movie stood on the border between Forgettable and Entertaining, and fell off the precipice. Eh, remake.

Rating: 35%

Garireo (2007)

That is how you say "Galileo" in Japanese, named after the main character Professor Galileo Yukawa, the resident genius. I know it's a weird name, but bear with it because the show is actually pretty interesting. He goes around solving mysteries with physics calculations by combining the story, trajectory, tempurature/mass/energy and other shit into a big puzzle and thereby names the real killer. A ridiculous but funny Japanese TV show and basically, a kooky version of House Md. Or maybe Numb3rs. Whatever.

Rating: 100%

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

This is a "Miazaki film", one of the most popular movie events in Japan. Miazaki is to the Japanese as Speilberg is to Americans. Considered to be one of the most revered and celebrated cinemas, Miazaki films include Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and the recently released Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea, which I was told was this summer's blockbuster. Watching these movies is an unnerving experience. You better not get too comfortable with anything you see because at any time objects can morph into something else, turn into sludge, get sucked into a wormhole, or come to life and start talking to you like an old friend. Expect lots of big WTF moments with a nebulous movie message by the end. You can't take this sort of thing too seriously, besides, me and Franklinstein have had bad experiences with floating castles before and let me tell you...do not want.

Rating: 60%