Showing posts with label Black People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Black People. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Chocolate Pain: Tay Zonday Sucks Ass



It's no surprise that when YouTube pseudo-celebrity Tay Zonday was featured on Jimmy Kimmel's Show, the audience reaction was a little less than positive. Most of them looked confused, bewildered or non-plussed. That's exactly the reaction a normal person would have when subjected to the baritone stylings of some weird kid off of the Internet.

This is the problem with the Internet, its audience and its chosen idols. Internet heroes aren't chosen for their skill, good looks or positive effects on society. They get chosen because they're kinda weird but, in a maladjusted social reject's eyes, also totally awesome. That's Tay Zonday. A small black kid with a freakishly baritone voice.


"Give him a radio contract!" the Internet hordes shriek. "His voice is, like, really bass!" Sounding less like the odd-looking gnome he is and more like a Protoss Arbiter, Tay Zonday is basically a freak show turned celebrity, mostly due to the combined effort of the small ghetto's worth of similar freaks with far-less baritone voices who upvote his videos.

Forget the fact that he'd be eliminated on day one of American Idol for being an obviously shitty singer, or the fact that his stage presence is tantamount to someone you're videoconferencing with at the office. Forget that he's a crazy-eyed giant earphone-wearing virgin-looking kid with a psychotic expression. Thanks to the marvel of modern telecommunications, those qualities make you an Avatar of the Internet.

Oh, and you can thank Mr. Zonday for the eternal travesty that is Chocolate Rain, a grating and endlessly-remixed funeral dirge of talent.

In the end, Tay Zonday's creations are useful only for one thing: punishing Internet denizens for making him famous.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Horray for space shuttle ATL


Atlanta's mission patch. Dirty souf, nigga!

Today marked the launch of yet another thing into outer space, this time it was full of dudes and not full of space robots. Shoving it into the face of the Chinese space program, the USA sent its newest advanced space capsule "Atlanta" into the terrifying beyond.

Welcome to the future.

Built in remembrance of Sherman's bloody march through Atlanta in the 1860's, NASA's latest shuttle is a complex system of ultra-modern computers and thrust-vectored dynamic flight engineering. The shuttle itself is nuclear powered, feeding the three energy-hungry ion engines that give it thrust. The shuttle crew hopes to reach Mercury within two weeks. After that comes the much talked-about mission to re-ignite the Sun, which has plunged Earth in a solar winter in the past month.

Space Shuttle Atlanta gettin' hyhpy on the hood of a Boeing 747


We all wish our comrades a safe journey and a quick return. We can expect China to be watching these proceedings with great interest with their orbiting spy-cameras. Bootleg versions of Atlanta are expected to appear in Dalian and Shenzhen within the next few days.


Made by peasants for pennies on the dollar.