Civil Disobedience: Paying Unjust Fines with Truculence Day 90+

Couple months ago I appealed a campus parking ticket. This is the same citation that I paid with pennies and other coins to a bunch of disgruntled passive-aggressive TAPS employees. In the appeal, I listed a bunch of circumstantial reasons why the ticket was invalid, mostly blaming TAPS for being sloppy, and Bel Aired them at the end of the letter in spite. I just got the results of the administrative hearing, and surprisingly, I won by default!

"In your appeal, you stated that the signs to the entrance of the lot are not easily seen and is[are] oriented to only be visible from one direction. You stated that several cars received citations on January 11 in this lot, suggesting that the permit requirements are not well posted. You also included a portion of the lyrics to the TV show "The Fresh Prince of Belair" as part of your appeal. I am dismissing this citation because I did not provide a reply to you within the time limit required (90 days from requesting the administrative hearing). ...
A refund of $30 will be sent...in approximately two or three weeks."

How great is that? The system works, man!

Yeah I'm Done

I just graduated from a university. Yeah, just now. This is a backward-looking summary of how it went.

First Year: Like all freshmen, I lived the dorm life. I sorta went nuts because I found Davis uncomfortable and disliked my roommates, which frequently got me into trouble. I also found that I was a particularly poor judge of character, which would create lots of problems for me later on.

Second Year: Lived in a particularly bad part of town with some guys that thought they were characters from Harold and Kumar and dedicated their lives to charading as them. Putting up with this made my life miserable, and as a result, I developed a hatred for people that pretend to be poor to garner attention. My credo: "You know whats worse than stupidity? Stupidity mixed in with false conviction and complete bullshit."

Third Year: I spent a year as the sole occupant of a 1-bedroom apartment. Life was a lot better, which gave me the freedom to pursue my interests. On the other hand, I was frequently sick and had difficulty concentrating and remembering things. Weird. My condition improved after shutting off a gas pilot that was leaking natural gas into my bedroom, at least, I think it did.

Fourth Year: A very good year. I was taking classes that actually matter and did lots of interesting things. I also spent a considerable amount of time trolling and griefing people for cheap laughs. What more could you ask for?

Fifth Year: A fifth year? How embarrassing. Things were pretty much winding down, most people that I knew had left town, and my employment prospects were dim, so I just spent my time doing whatever I wanted. Just trying to keep things interesting.

Things in UC Davis that are bullshit:

ASUCD - Where lots of idiots shuffle papers and probably deal drugs.


Davis Police - Causing more problems than they solve.

Technocultural Studies Dept - I was forced to these people's insanity, which consisted of paranoid historical observations, shitty movies, and making shit up.

Asian American Studies - I used to think cultural awareness was a good thing in the universe, but this load of crap changed my mind. Slapping "cultural advocacy" onto something turns out to be an excuse for ethnic ranting. It is institutionalized racism and an outlet for social fear. Want to change people's minds about Asians? Get a major that matters.

Asian Punks - Man, there are a lot of them here. Just how Asian can you get? These people should be crammed into Asian ghettos, which would make them happy because it would remind them of their "hood" in some dirty Asian city of origin.

Teaching Assistants - I've been instructed by plenty of TA's and I've had good and bad. Mostly bad. For graduate students, most don't seem that intelligent. They're usually insane, obsessive, and not as brilliant as you would think.

Philosophy Dept - I have a great appreciation for philosophy in all forms, but classes on philosophy are bullshit. The arguments are stupid, the teaching is stupid, the people are stupid. If anything, it shows why people are dumb on average because they learn about ethics from a moron that uses the TV show Dexterto show why Abortion is amoral. Philosophy? More like Sophistry.


Things in UC Davis that are pretty good:

Sushi Buffets - Davis has a particularly good selection of these, which combines fine culinary products(Japanese food) with the condition of abundance all for a low price. Wow, competition works.

Environmentalism - For some reason, UCD is all about singing the praises of the Earth. Most poignant are the services and programs for bicycles and for garbage composting.

Dumpster Diving - I got some pretty good stuff. Dumpster diving really came through for me and drastically increased my materialistic potential.

Civil Disobedience: Paying Unjust Fines with Truculence Day 6

I finally got my receipt from TAPS. A "citation coordinator" (aka. train robber) confirmed that every penny was accounted for. Thanks. Hopefully this will teach them not to give ordinary people a hard time and process currency like they're supposed to.

What happens now? At this point, my "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air" prank statement, gets sent to the "administrative hearing officer" (aka. the Holy Inquisition), who will make an arbitrary judgment after skimming a campus parking manual.
Next update coming up in 90 days or less.

Civil Disobedience: Paying Unjust Fines with Truculence Day 3

It's been almost 48 hours and I never heard from TAPS, so I sent them a courtesy email as a reminder. You know, in case they "lose my payment in a trash can". I got this response:

Dear customer: As soon as I know the confirmation of payment I will
email you. Unfortunately, the person who can verify the amount attended
a class in the morning and received a medical call from home.
You will receive confirmation.
Have a great day!
Thank you.
----- --------
Parking Services


Sounds like second grade bullshit. What's so hard about feeding money into your freakin machine? Does it take a specialist to do that? Do you need training? What the fuck. Well, nice of them to wish me well though. I appreciate that.

Civil Disobedience: Paying Unjust Fines with Truculence

I'm writing from the UC Davis TAPS office. Right now, I am waiting as they count my $30 payment for a parking ticket, of which I paid with some bills, 4 quarters, a half-dollar coin, 40 nickels, and 1350 pennies wrapped in paper tubes. They were defensive about accepting it all, to say the least. I could sense the rage boiling beneath their drab blank slate faces. Their impatience was to be expected after all, as they're more accustomed to robbing scared submissive students that will hand over money with a smile. There's one paying out right now.
How did it come to this? The whole thing started with an ordinary parking fine.

It was a cheap shot. They swept in and ticketed 30 people at once, catching me in the wave. I noticed that on the ticket, it stated that my car was "TAN" when it is actually silver, so I wrote a grievance stating that the ticket did not describe my car. They wrote back with a piece of paper that said "DENIED" and "color is subjective". They included my DMV records and a creepy spreadsheet of my personal information for scare tactics. What's with that?

I did some research. First I considered the overpay method, where you pay the fine + 1 cent, forcing them to issue a 1 cent refund and preventing them from cashing your check. This turns out to be a myth. It doesn't work and the agency will just silently eat your overpayment.

Then I thought about the contamination trick, where you make the payment stub so dirty that the agency refuses to cash the payment. Well, that turns out to be a criminal offense.


Then I turned to the penny method, where you pay with a sack of pennies and say "HERE'S MAH PAYMENT, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COUNT IT?". The internet says it works as long as you (1) don't mail it in because it looks like a bomb, (2) don't show any emotion to avoid harassment charges, (3) are prepared for a libertarian backlash where you have to state your rights repeatedly to people that aren't listening.

Pennies, despite being real money, are so undesirable that they are only partially legal tender. Online legal forums provided uncertain guidance, some posts saying "No. Pay the fine normally. Don't be an asshole." written by the handle You_Are_Guilty. Other suggestions, like one that told me to freeze the pennies in a block of ice and pay with the ice pennies, sounded outright terrorist. Ugggh.

On the day, I submitted another mail-in judicial hearing for TAPS to waste their time on, which was actually a "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air" prank statement, and made my coinage payment. First the teller tried to fake me out by saying that they don't take pennies and that if they did, counting the money would take 2 weeks. I persisted, so the teller took my bag of coins and told me to wait in the lobby for 20 minutes for the coins to be counted. I started reading the Cal Aggie in the lobby.

After a half hour, the teller came out and starting closing the office. It was 5pm. She instructed me to write my student ID number my Jack-in-the-Box bag, which apparently had just been sitting behind the counter, untouched. What the hell.


After scribbling my digits on the coin rolls, I cordially asked for a receipt. They said they wanted to check my student ID for the second time. I handed it over. After some leering, they stood there staring at me, trying to get me to leave. I was still waiting for a receipt.
After about 5 minutes of obfuscation, they assured me that I would get an email once they "the girls fed it into the machine"...whatever that means. Greedy bastards. They put a lot of effort into giving me a hard time. TAPS is every bit as evil as they say.

So now I'm waiting for my email, contemplating the good I have done for society. I injected coinage into the money supply, saving the government from having to mint more. I've paid in legitimate US currency and enforced the validity of using coins for transactions as they rightfully should. I've avoided an 8% surcharge at the gay CoinStar machine. I've made the parking ticket ogres work for their blood money, saving others from getting robbed as well. Finally, I've tested the robustness of the system for fun and profit. Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I liked to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.

To Catch A Predator: of Bicycles at UCD

During my tenure at UCD, I've had my bike stolen many times. It's a common story. You can't discuss the city of Davis without somehow stumbling on the subject of how each person was robbed of a bike at least once.

The Davis police, too busy enforcing traffic and parking violations(and eating at the Silver Dragon Restaurant), are unwilling to help victims of theft simply because the police dept can't make a profit from it. Thus each time my bike was kidnapped, I was left to find redemption on my own.

In my efforts to find them, I have successfully recovered many lost bikes. I have even been able to come face to face with a red-handed thief. But in the end, I am left angry and I seek vengeance, so this is what I am going to do.

----- TO CATCH A BIKE THIEF -----
ABSTRACT

We're going spend some of our free time running a sting operation. A bait bike will be used to hook a thief, and allow us to intercept him. After that, we don't really have a solid plan, but we are open to suggestions.

HOW TO USE

From my experience, thieves will take anything that is unlocked, no matter how shitty it is. Therefore, a well placed bait bike can expect a bite in between 10-60 minutes.

The next step is interception. Stopping and dismounting a biker requires no more than clever positioning and a short sprint.

At this point, we have a thief in our disposal. How will he react? No matter what he does, the actions we must take are clear. We use a Chris Hansen style hold-and-bombard method to extract information from the thief, which we will then post online in interview format. Hopefully, these results will be posted here soon.

EXPECTED RESULT

Based on Chris Hansen's entrapment results that have been televised on NBC, we expect the thief to struggle at least a little bit. Will he stay and admit guilt or run off frantically? Will he try to lie his way out or attempt to plea bargain, or will this just be really awkward? Will he get angry and attack us? We shall fucking see.


What about trying Citizens Arrest?

Too risky. Citizen's arrest law varies widely from region to region and are very nebulous in nature. It applies only when one witnesses a felony in action, and bike theft may be a felony or only a misdemeanor depending on the market value of the bike/how it was stolen. By the letter of the law, we do not have the power to detain someone that just took our bike. Factor in the complications of physically detaining someone, and citizens arrest becomes a real mess.

Could this be expanded to include car theft?

Uh, yeah sure, but it would be really expensive and probably would require an all-night sting, and that would be boring for us.

Why do bikes get stolen so much?
This testimonal suggests that in the past, bicycles were not so frequently targets of theft, and that after the welfare system was reduced, incidents of bike theft increased dramatically.

"People are scared.They're not getting their medication, they're freaking out, they're out of work, they're not getting the assistance they're used to having and they're hungry. They're desperate and they're doing things they wouldn't usually do."

Why are people stealing so many bikes in Davis? Is it the syndicate? Are people just opportunists or natural thrill-seekers? It's possible that people are just fucking assholes. Or maybe they just need some quick cash. This experiment will show whether or not this socio-economic explanation is founded or not.
Results to come later.

The Wall of the Missing
The Bike Lawyer
Bike Theft Victim Documentation

Epic Quad Battle

Every year on the last day of class, a couple hundred people get together and have a brawl with foam noodles and things in the central quad. It's a big mock battle that people stage on a whim. The Epic Quad Battle is the last entertaining thing to do before the year ends and is also a big dress-up event (crusader costumes and foam weapons).

This year, Spartan warriors challenged the barbarian horde at the hot gates of the east quad. Few stood against many. They did what they were trained to do, what they were bred to do, what they were born to do. The cardboard shields were heavy and their helmets stifling. Water balloons partially blotted out some sunlight. The roar of the frat boy that organized it was long and loud, giving testament to their proud upper-middle class ancestory.
After the battle concluded, Leonidas and his 30 men went home and feasted hearty in the Segundo Dining Center, for that night he dined in the Segundo DC a second time during the dinner serving. Glorious.

I found a couple of Spartan shields next to the trash can. Disgraceful. SPARTAN!! RETURN WITH YOUR SHIELD, OR ON IT.

A Word with The Chancellor: Larry Vanderhoef and I

Larry N. Vanderhoef is our venerable Chancellor of UCD. Most everyone on campus knows of him, and he has even been named "Sacramento Resident of the Year", even though he resides in Davis. As one of the most powerful people in the UC, he has made a substancial effort to connect with common students(like a King walking among his troops), and regularly visits the Coho to eat a student-made burrito or the Arc for a game of raquetball. He even makes a presence of the Facebook.
When I worked in the Mail Division, I delivered letters to his council every Friday on the secured and camera-monitored 5th floor of Mrak Hall. I have great respect for his frankly and no-nonsense attitude and have turned to him when all other ears were deaf. Last fall, I wrote him this letter:


To Chancellor Vanderhoef,

I need to inform you about the environmental control at the Wellman classroom building. It sucks ass. The ventillation system hasen't been working and with all the students in there, the classrooms smell like prison ships. Please fix it somehow for my health. Cold season is upcoming. Thx.

-AK

The next day, I got this curt response in my geckomail box:


Dear AK,

Chancellor Vanderhoef forwarded your email regarding Wellman Hall to me for follow-up and response. Our campus maintenance staff has found a damper that is malfunctioning and an area of the building ductwork that has separated. Repairs are currently underway and our staff will be monitoring Wellman over the next several days to ensure that the ventilation system is operating effectively.

Sincerely,
Stan Nosek, Vice Chancellor-Administration

Despite the indirectness of his answer and the crude handoff to his Vice, I was satisfied with his diligence. I had been inspired to be a Vanderhoef fan.
"This is a man of the people", I thought, "This is the kind of person we need to run things."
Three weeks later on Halloween day, Justin, Franklin, and I heard a rumor that the residence of Chancellor Vanderhoef was located covertly behind the International House, just across the street from the MU. Dressed as the demons of the unworldly, we went to greet him in the traditional fashion, knocking on his door, waiting for him or maybe a butler to emerge. But no one answered the door. That night, we left without seeing the Chancellor.

Unfortunately, I still havent seen him personally, not at his office, nor the Coho, nor the raquetball courts. But I will see him on graduation day. With an aloof smile, he will warmly extend his hand, we will shake, and I will say, "Larry, why do you have to be such a buster."

Evening with a Terrorist: Walid Shoebat Comes to Davis

Walid is a former PLO terrorist who renounced his Palestinean roots 14 years ago, embracing Zionism and alienating his Islamic family in the process. He compares fundamentalist terrorism with Nazi fascism, saying that due to media distortion, people neither understand the plight of the Jews nor see the bias of Islam in the Mideast. According to Shoebat, terrorism was a different game in his time, requiring responsibility, a sense of honor, and a strict creed prohibiting suicide missions. He has denounced the brutal terrorist activities of today, and accused the Islamic population of propogating it. For this belief, he has lent full support to the Hamas war and the Iraq conflict, evoking hatred from liberals, conservatives, christians, and muslims alike.

Freeborn hall was packed, preventing me from hearing his speech or seeing him in person. But he is not important; Walid Shoebat isn't even his real name. What mattered was the spectacle he created, a packed house with protestors in the rows and on the sidewalks overlooking an army of supporters.
"Walid is a Phoney. Learn about Islam from a Muslim, Not From a Terrorist.", was duplicated on the signs of a half-dozen protestors standing around the MU bells, all of them women of Mideast descent.
"They think we are the instigators of hatred but what they do not realize is that they are the people that actually...(rest illegible)", said the rambling sign of another. In my head, I imagined that protestor saying that abhorrent statement aloud, which made me slightly nauseous.
"SILENCED", was written on the poster of another protestor, a black man that silently stood stonefaced at the line of attendants.
Slightly dissapointed at the general cognitive level, I went home.