Tuesday, February 10, 2009

coming up: DragonBall Evolution


Oh god. This director is taking a HUGE risk by diving headfirst into a nebulous area of human irrational behavior. DBZ is a disease. To date, there have already been 18+ other dragonball movies. There are 508 episodes of dragonball TV episodes. Don't forget the gajillion dbz music videos scored with Linkin Park and the 100+ internet memes spawned by dbz stupidity.

So, this movie faces a number of difficult obstacles.
First, it faces being clobbered as a complete cliche. Powering up, screaming, and fireballs just don't seem to cut it in hollywood anymore.

Second, it must exceed the expectations of people who are already familiar with dbz. That is going to be really difficult. Dragonball is the king of being over the top, ridiculously huge, and retardedly buff. I have no idea how they are going to surmount this. For example, how do you live-action this?


Third, it must appeal to people who have no idea what dbz is. Plot elements such as floating in midair and Piccolo's green skin and giant shoulder pads need to be explained. That will create an impossibly steep learning curve for the newly introduced and facing this, they are most likely going to find it just ridiculous.

Finally, the director has a choice: Should the dbz movie be based on Japanese or American motifs? You can't have it both ways so the production must definitively follow one of the two.


American Version: A Hollywood movie must be appealing to ordinary Americans, so this is a natural choice. Goku could be in highschool and trying to get a date for the prom when Piccolo blows up his gym. That would be perfect. On the other hand, that kind of kills the point of calling this movie "DB Evolution", when it should in fact be called "Superman Vs Green Guy with Balls in His Other Pants Pocket". Uggh.

Making DB Evolution in Japanese fashion would be true to it's roots and would resonate well with preexisting fans. The danger with this choice is that the story would then have to be super retarded and would be too mild compared to the other dragonball movies about buff metal people that punch hard. However, it would definitely give dbz fans what they want to see. This is what that version would probably look like.
This is very accurate.

This movie is fucked.
Predicted Tomato Rating: 15%

1 comment:

Jusl89 said...

How about anyone associated with this movie kill themselves. I think that works out great.