Jericho: The first 5 episodes

This show is an amazing disappointment to me as a connoisseur of post-nuclear fiction. When talking of such things, you have to go back to the classics: The Mad Max trilogy, Red Dawn, When the Wind Blows, the miniseries The Day After (which actually convinced a befuddled President Reagan that limited nuclear war was, in fact, not the greatest idea), and more recently the computer game Wasteland and the Fallout series.

Post-nuclear fiction envisions a near-future or present in which nuclear war has occurred, and modern civilization has ceased to exist. The most chilling part of this kind of fiction is that it is in no way fantasy: it is a reality that could happen at any time. At this moment there are tens of thousands of thermonuclear weapons primed to launch themselves all over the globe, turning the greatest population centers on Earth into glass wastelands.

Of course, a little artistic license is always expected. You're unlikely to find yourself fighting off rad-scorpions or ghouls in the glowing wastes in the aftermath of an attack. Jericho attempts to realistically depict what happens to a small-town Kansas community after a mushroom cloud appears over the Western horizon, followed by a cloud of dust that used to be Denver.

The good parts of this series are in moments like this, where insurmountable and at times inconceivable problems start to pop up to afflict the town of Jericho: a storm front sweeps over from Denver bearing radioactive fallout and the city's shelters aren't up to the task, a prison bus transporting murderers crashes and sets them free after the attack, a kid finds a message on his answering machine from his mother which records her being killed by a nuclear blast...and she wasn't in Denver. These are the promised results of an excellent premise.

Where the show falls flat on its face is in its most important part: the characters. Rarely believable, generally obnoxious and frequently stupid, they remind you instantly that you're watching a cross between a decent show and an O.C. ripoff. And the show is so hackneyed and poorly-planned that major holes keep cropping up.

Here are some major ones:
-They're in Kansas. How come everyone sounds, looks and acts like they're from L.A.? In the show's defense, he mayor sounds slightly Southern, but why the fuck does his son sound Canadian? Absolutely no one is a hick or redneck, although some of the actors might be trying, unsuccessfully, to appear rural.

-Your country just got nuked. Why does no one seem to care that much? The teens of the town act like they're going to the mall or fretting about their first kiss. The adults still hang out at the local bar...EVERY SPARE SECOND OF THE DAY. The bartender says herself that the generator running the bar takes 90 gallons of gas a day, the same as the hospital. Why the fuck is it still open?

-Jericho apparently is a town with a population of 5000...and zero ugly people. Everyone's either a JC Penny's model or plotting to become one.
-In a town of 5000, only 12 people actually matter. Whenever something happens (the TV in the bar finally shows something, the Mayor is saying something important), they're already there. Creepy.

-Black McGuyver. The one black man in town knows everything about everything...sort of. He can fix any machine, is sending shit to satellites from his laptop in the back yard, and explains to the dumber viewers how hydrogen bombs work ("They literally...EXPLODE the AIR.") Um, whatever man. Whenever he offers help, though, he gets told to fuck off (somewhat realistically...it IS Kansas.) However, he's really some kind of secret agent or something, so his family isn't allowed to even go to the store. What the fuck is he trying to accomplish? The show is loath to show you.

-Sometimes in the crowd scenes, there's an Asian or, randomly, another black man. You never see these people again. Sometimes they're replaced by a random Indian woman or something. It's really jarring.

-The scenes in episode 5 where the firefighters are trying to stop blazes around town are completely idiotic and wrong in so many ways I can't list them all. Here's the main one. YOU DON'T SEND HALF YOUR FIRE ENGINES AND PERSONNEL TO A CITY IN ANOTHER STATE THAT JUST GOT NUKED. IT'S SOMEWHAT INEFFECTUAL.

So, don't be like me and keep watching a somewhat decent but ultimately stupid show just because they dangle good scenes at the beginning and end like carrots. Watch and play the classics instead!

The Day After (1983, whole movie) The aftermath of nuclear war between the US and the Soviets. Survivors in rural Kansas and Minnesota suffer the effects of nuclear winter.

When the Wind Blows (Animated, 1986, whole movie) An doddering English couple survive nuclear war, only to slowly succumb to the effects of radiation. Caution: depressing and haunting as hell.

Mad Max - Beyond Thunderdome (1985) The train escape scene.

Red Dawn (1984) WOLVERINES!!!

Fallout (1997) Intro movie.

Thank You for Smoking (2005)

I reeeally thought this would be a good one. Main character is the spokesman for the tobacco industry, he talks for a living, and is supposed to be a really convincing liar. I expected something like a cult leader or a Boiler Room guy that can make you think that your ass is your face. Something like a soft spoken but sophisticated baritone voice that speaks so smoothly that you could believe anything he said. Like Xerxes or some other.

Well this guy fell a little short of that expectation. He talked like an idiot, shrugged a lot, and came off as snappy. He was pretty good, I guess, but he was really just on par with any amateur on the debate team. I just wasn't that amazed. He probably couldn't even smooth talk me into buying a magazine subscription for pediatric AIDS in Somalia. And fuck, Eckhart has a really huge freakin mouth.

Rating: 50%
Not so good.

Tracking Sleep Trends: Fall 2007

I've been keeping tabs on how much I sleep over the last few months. Normally, there's no need to do this because most people sleep regularly, following the clock in a perfect solar cycle. However, over the college years, my cycle got messed up, so I usually end up sleeping "on-demand", meaning that I get sleep when I desire sleep and would rather be doing something else if I don't feel tired. After all, the light/dark cycle no longer has an effect on me.

Descriptive Stats:
Average:	8.2 hours
StDev:	2.3 hours
Max:	12 hours
Min:	3 hours
Range:	9 hours

Inference: The estimate of any night of sleep:
The probability of sleep between 5.9 hours and 10.5 hours is 64%
The probability of sleep between 3.6 hours and 12.8 hours at 95%


The trend line on this graph shows the change in approximate sleep length over time. The slope of the equation says that my sleep time per day decreases about 0.019 hours every day over the 50 day time period.
You can see the high variance evinced in the trend of spikes and dips. The main reason for the large variance is because a night of low sleep leads to more sleep the next night to make up for the loss. The reason for this is not insomnia, but rather, the increased fatigue makes me demand more sleep. Similarly, a long period of sleep leads to less sleep the next day because I feel excessively rested and demand less sleep. This means that each night of sleep partially affects the next, and the next, and the next. It is a long cause and effect chain over 50 days long.

Here is the same graph including sleep records from the period at the tail-end of Fall Quarter. You can see that it flattens out the trend because I hoard more sleep during this time.

For a normal person, you expect the trend line to be flat at m=0, unless there is some life style shift going on. My graph shows a slight decrease, probably due to the effect of the quarter classes, but it could just be because of the high variance.
People are also supposed to sleep more as the calendar date progresses into winter and the days get shorter. The fact that my trend doesn't show this means that I do not follow the light/dark cycle. Possible reasons: My retinal ganglion cells are desensitized, or my circadian free-run cycle is more than 24 hours.

Conclusion: Avoid taking morning classes. They'll fuck you up.

Moyashimon: Tales of Agriculture (2007)

This is a quirky anime about a microbiology student that can see bacteria, but not in a normal way. To him, they look like little plushies that talk and do stuff, and he can play with them by grabbing them out of the air or telling them things.

Moyashimon throws in a lot of microbial names that is making it extremely difficult to translate. It's a subber's nightmare about as tough as Ergo Proxy, maybe worse. The story is similar to Honey&Clover, expect that instead of an Art School and struggling design majors, we have a Microbiology Lab and a bunch of Grad Students at an College of Ag. But like H&C, we have the theme of a wussy undergrad, psychopathic seniors, and a destitute apartment complex.

Moyashimon translated into English means something like "Bean-sprout thingy" or "Doodad", which refers to the plushies that he sees everywhere. So far, all he does is feed them or flick them around with his index finger. They're great for diagnosing people's diseases though.

Educational Segment: "Bacteria can control temporal mechanics by fermenting your time"

07/15/2008 Update: This series was subbed way too slowly and died. RIP. It was meant to be a miniseries anyway.

It's about a guy with microbe plushie Synesthesia.
Rating: 70%

How to kill people.

Here is a handy guide on how to kill people. If you try to rat our blog out to the feds, remember, we wrote the guide.


Method A: Your bare fucking hands.

Yanking someone's eye out from its socket and repeatedly jamming your finger in the hole is effective, as is punching someone until they die. This is the most ancient method of killing people, and you can do it naked like your caveman ancestors did.

Method B: A rock.

A rock is easy to find and use, as long as you remember which end is the working end and which end is the standing end. When choosing between igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary rock, always remember that igneous rock can still be very hot when newly formed and metamorphic rock takes a long fucking time to make.

Method C: Drive over them with an 18 wheeler.

Easy to do if you have one, but you'll need a class A license with air brake endorsement first or you're liable to kill yourself instead. Cement trucks are good for hiding evidence under a slab of concrete.

Method D: Hire a hitman.

Preferably one with a number instead of a name. This is a good method if you're rich and lazy.

Method E: A hammer.

Stop! A good, hefty hammer will do wonders against someone's skull. Combine with nails for a ranged attack.

Method F: Eat his children.

If you take his or her genes out of the gene pool, it's almost as good as killing them for real.

Method G: I don't fucking know, light them on fire or something.

May require petrol.

Method H: Bury them alive.

Use sand or dirt, not plastic balls from Chuck E Cheese (you retard.)

Method I: Sonic cannon.

Use it to vibrate their bones right out of their body. Sonic cannons don't exist yet but they will.

Method J: Specially engineer a virus to attack their body and theirs alone.

Requires a lot of effort just to get some guy you hate sick. If you fuck up then you doom humanity. Don't be that guy.

Method K: Kill them in the matrix.

Their brain will overload and they'll have a fatal seizure in RL.

Method L: Freeze every water molecule in their body.

The opposite of setting them on fire. Only works if it's your mutant power because they haven't invented the freeze ray yet either.

Method M: Poison.

Good if you're into guile and mystery, but if you drink out of the wrong glass you're fucked.

Method N: Spiders!

Holy fuck you're evil.

Method O: Death by sex machine.

Didn't work in Barbarella but it might work for you. Maybe they needed more spikes.

Method P: Bees.

Got something deadly to say? Say it with bees. Try tossing their precious honey all over your target. Bees are easy to fool.

Method Q: Flush them out into the vacuum of space.

Works only against Americans, Soviets and Chinese. Especially the Chinese.

Method R: High velocity sniper rifle.

Be the killer your momma always knew you could be. You might need a ghillie suit and a desperate need for the pink mist.

Method S: Fiber wire.

Garroting and the Guillotine are methods both invented by the French, both involving the neck. The neck is the most sensual part of the human body...Napoleon knew this, and he was a genius in killing.

Method T: Suicide bomb.

This is actually a pretty good way to get yourself killed in the process. Also called homicide bombs if you want to sound like an idiot. Bonus: If you use this method, you'll appear on Liveleak.

Method U: Inter-continental ballistic missile.

Requires the help of at least one scientist, but it makes it pretty hard to fuck up your plan. If your hair starts falling out, you're doing it wrong.

Method V: The electric chair.

This method is stupid and outdated. If you accidentally shock them twice, you might accidentally bring them back to life, stronger than before. And you have to throw a big switch on the wall like a cartoon or something...god who even invented this.

Method W: Gas! Gas! Gas!

Take yourself back to the glory days of World War I, where deadly gases were tossed back and forth like candy. This method requires you to know how to check for wind direction.

Method X: Sword.

Swords will fucking cut you wide open. This may appeal to LARPers and medieval re-enactment fags the most, as you can pretend you're in the dark ages and scream "what ho!" as you stab away. Swords are easy to trace back to the culprit by CSI specialists, since no one uses them anymore. Guns cannot deflect bullets. Laser swords do not exist (and never will.)

Method Y: Chainsaw.

Chainsaws are little bitches to start, and when they finally do they'll most likely jam up or run out of bar oil or something while you're trying to get the job done. If you don't treat a chainsaw with the utmost care and compassion, it will die on you before your victim does. Remember to dog into the chest and call out your back cut, make sure to leave enough holding flesh and make sure the body falls in the right direction, or else you might end up crushing yourself.

Method Z: Your method here!

While this list is a pretty complete and nearly-perfect guide on how to kill people, there are a few of you out there who manage to come up with great methods of your own. Feel free to make your own guide if you think you're so special, or perhaps even email them to someone who cares, like the Marines.