Two Classic Rock Songs That Suck

Since I am no longer under the broadcast range for KGO 810, for any talk radio I was forced to listen to KFI 640. Now KFI is nothing like KGO. First of all, they play Coast to Coast AM in the evenings, which is entertaining at first, but then slowly becomes depressing after you listen to several people talk about dedicating their entire lives searching for the Bigfoot. Of course, there are rare moments where Gordon Freeman calls in about portal technology, but in the context of the show, it's not really that funny considering the next night you'll have a guest that claims he's an alien from another dimension. Aside from Coast to Coast, KFI mostly plays conservative talk radio with Rush Limbaugh in the morning, and two other douche bags in the afternoon. I'm all for listening to the other side of the argument, but there's a limit to how much smarmy, smirk-filled bull shit I can handle on a daily basis. As a result, I now listen to KLOR 95.5 The Classic Rock Station.

KLOR plays a lot of good stuff, but they also play a few songs that are generally regarded as good but in reality suck balls. The shittiness of these songs becomes more obvious with KLOR's constant replaying, thinking "No one could get tired of this!" First up is:

"You better you bet" by The Who



Overall, I think The Who are average, and they had a few good songs that gives their band some merit. However, this song feels like taking a chainsaw to the ear canal. From what I can gather, it's about some guy who tells his lady that he loves her, but instead of that woman being grateful or saying I love you back, she says "You'd Better!" (best imagined with a little head shake while saying it). Only one word comes to my mind while listening to this song: bitch. Now the same type of person who would say "You'd Better" in response to "I love you" would also probably say this:


No. Fuck off. Sassiness or attitude is one thing, but saying "You'd better" is telling that poor guy he's falling in love with an attention-whoring void of a human being. Aside from that, the tune is good, but the singing blows and could be much better.

Next up is Joan Jett. Ever heard of Joan Jett? Chances are you haven't, and if you do, it's probably because you recognize her only famous song "I Love Rock n' Roll":



Instantly recognizable, this song is ubiquitous on popular song lists. True, it has a good opening riff, but when was the last time you actually listened to the whole thing? The only good part of the song is the chorus, and the rest is like eating the Southern Style Chicken Sandwich from McDonalds: below average and boring.

My newest art piece, "Joan Jett"

My reasoning is this: Joan Jett looks and sings like garbage. If you've listened to any of her other songs (which you probably haven't because they are all bad), she has that same harsh droning tone with that drawn out inflection at the end of each line.

But you say, she's a hard rock artist. They don't need to sing well as long as the riffs are tight. I concede that point. However, the singing should not be so bad as to make it feel like scraping your scrotum over a rusty cheese grater. Just listen to the lyrics:

"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"
"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"
"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"
"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"

Every time I hear that, I want to stab a Phillips-head screwdriver into her, yes, her face. Just watch the music video when she says that. If I were living in the novel 1984, Room 101 would be that face saying "MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE" over and over.

Another thing I cannot stand about Joan Jett is that she is ugly. That's not a crime, and I actually respect artists who are ugly because that means they rose to fame due to their skill at music. However, Joan Jett has the bitchy tendency to show off her body in bikinis and such in music videos, which people describe as "hot".

I don't even know what I'm looking at. Just look at those veins, the greasy skin. In every live performance she wears that same sweaty black bikini, too much makeup, and ends up looking like a shitstained toilet stall in a Food4Less.

10,000 BC (2008)

Man, 10000 BC? That was a long time ago. What did humans look like at the time...? Pretty buff and healthy looking, actually...pretty good.

It starts off with a bunch of proto-humans hunting wooly mammoth, which was mildly entertaining. After that finishes, the movie switches gears into an Apocalypto-esque slave trader chase that brings them to Egypt where they find the Pyramids of Giza under construction by slaves and wooly mammoths. Fake! Mammuthus primigenius don't live in the desert. By the end of the movie, a proto-Jesus frees the slaves, or Jews, or blacks, and assassinates the Pharaoh. Fuck this.

Rating: 40%

Why so sad

For the next few days, this will be the face of China. It is the anguish of millions of people over a terribly tragic event: A Chinese track athlete hurt his ankle.

wait what?

Quote: "Liu Xiang’s sudden withdrawal prompted a national outpouring of emotion in China. A television presenter who broke the story on the Olympics TV channel was reduced to tears on air...could hardly finish his sentences as he tried to explain Liu’s fate to a packed media conference as the rest of the country wept."

Now that is interesting. 110 meter hurdler Liu Xiang, pride of the Chinese people and symbol of China's struggle for superiority, also supplies the people of China with emotional stability. With one twist of an ankle, an entire nation is reduced to a race of mewling babies. What's with all the crying? Does Liu Xiang's injury mean that China sucks now? Have Chinese people been disgraced or something? Geez, talk about a burst bubble. Keep in mind this is the same society that cries over math tests.

Really. Wait, we can still fix this. Just have a prettier looking Chinese guy replace Liu and have him pretend to jump over those hurdles. It worked with a little girl lip-syncing the opening ceremony, right?

Hobonomics

A couple years ago when I was visiting mainland China as a tourist, I took some time to talk to this hat vendor on the streets. He was selling bucket hats that said "Beijing 2008" in rainbow colors, the symbol of China's bid to host the 2008 Olympic games, which by coincidence, I am watching on channel 3 right now. Beijing 2008 was a big deal at the time. It would be a symbol of China's entry into the modern world, the pride of 1.3 billion nationalistic individuals, and an opportunity for the Chinese to show their capitalist aptitude. (which they have so far performed with a ferocious tenacity for entrepreneurship)

Anyway, I asked this street vendor where the recycling bins were, as I had some empty water bottles in my backpack that I wanted to dispose of. He laughed and tossed my bottle into the sidewalk. Before I even had a chance to say anything, a dirty looking man came and picked up the bottle, threw it in his cart filled with bags of other beverage containers, and walked off. This is why there are no recycling bins anywhere in the People's Republic of China.

But the greater point is about the guy pushing the cart around. Just who was that guy anyway? He is a member of a special sector of society: The Recycling Homeless. Welcome to Hobonomics 101, where the laws of monetary incentive, material needs/wants, and free-market competition fall apart and are replaced by dumpster diving, class discrimination, and ultimate freedom.

WALL·E (2008)

I have never seen a Pixar movie that I didn't like. They're great, refreshingly unique, and the animation is top notch. Well...that is with exception to The Incredibles, which I thought was degrading and tacky, not to mention slightly racist.
Wall-E has this funny message about mass consumerism. In the movie, material consumption trashes the earth and makes people lazy, so much so that it causes humans to devolve slightly. Mankind becomes completely dependent on machines and tele-electronics, and since all their human desires are satisfied all the time, they forget about everything else in life. The Wall-E robot btw, is this crude trash compacting machine that lives on a huge desert of garbage. The story works its way up from there.

Movie has really good jokes.
Rating: 90%

Your Face: Nick Lane

Small time actor Nick Lane's face has no equal. He appears like a normal person until he makes a smug jerk face that stretches his maw into a broad smirk, turning him into a facial abnormality. He is shown here in a Paris Hilton music video grinning pretentiously.

Smirk face + annoying kid --> Perfect character for House Md :3
:3 :3 :3

The Island (2005)

Uh so I was pretty sure this was about a bunch of guys on a Pacific island killing each other but it turned out to be a sci-fi movie about eugenics. Hell, thats right up my alley. Half Minority Report and half The Matrix, this is about hundreds of people living in a post-apocalyptic utopia.
Things in the utopia are great. Life is mundane, activities are structured, and everything is clean. But....some things don't make sense. For example, hundreds of people work in this factory where they pipet nutrients into tubes all day. Glucosamine and D-Tyrosine and shit. Then there the bar, where there are no alcoholic drinks. Everything is pomegranate juice and health food. What's with that?
The curtain falls when one of the citizens finds out about the outside world, revealing that utopian society is nothing more than a cloning facility. A clone war ensues.

You know what, this is just a cheap copy of Matrix.
Rating: 50%