Two Classic Rock Songs That Suck

Since I am no longer under the broadcast range for KGO 810, for any talk radio I was forced to listen to KFI 640. Now KFI is nothing like KGO. First of all, they play Coast to Coast AM in the evenings, which is entertaining at first, but then slowly becomes depressing after you listen to several people talk about dedicating their entire lives searching for the Bigfoot. Of course, there are rare moments where Gordon Freeman calls in about portal technology, but in the context of the show, it's not really that funny considering the next night you'll have a guest that claims he's an alien from another dimension. Aside from Coast to Coast, KFI mostly plays conservative talk radio with Rush Limbaugh in the morning, and two other douche bags in the afternoon. I'm all for listening to the other side of the argument, but there's a limit to how much smarmy, smirk-filled bull shit I can handle on a daily basis. As a result, I now listen to KLOR 95.5 The Classic Rock Station.

KLOR plays a lot of good stuff, but they also play a few songs that are generally regarded as good but in reality suck balls. The shittiness of these songs becomes more obvious with KLOR's constant replaying, thinking "No one could get tired of this!" First up is:

"You better you bet" by The Who



Overall, I think The Who are average, and they had a few good songs that gives their band some merit. However, this song feels like taking a chainsaw to the ear canal. From what I can gather, it's about some guy who tells his lady that he loves her, but instead of that woman being grateful or saying I love you back, she says "You'd Better!" (best imagined with a little head shake while saying it). Only one word comes to my mind while listening to this song: bitch. Now the same type of person who would say "You'd Better" in response to "I love you" would also probably say this:


No. Fuck off. Sassiness or attitude is one thing, but saying "You'd better" is telling that poor guy he's falling in love with an attention-whoring void of a human being. Aside from that, the tune is good, but the singing blows and could be much better.

Next up is Joan Jett. Ever heard of Joan Jett? Chances are you haven't, and if you do, it's probably because you recognize her only famous song "I Love Rock n' Roll":



Instantly recognizable, this song is ubiquitous on popular song lists. True, it has a good opening riff, but when was the last time you actually listened to the whole thing? The only good part of the song is the chorus, and the rest is like eating the Southern Style Chicken Sandwich from McDonalds: below average and boring.

My newest art piece, "Joan Jett"

My reasoning is this: Joan Jett looks and sings like garbage. If you've listened to any of her other songs (which you probably haven't because they are all bad), she has that same harsh droning tone with that drawn out inflection at the end of each line.

But you say, she's a hard rock artist. They don't need to sing well as long as the riffs are tight. I concede that point. However, the singing should not be so bad as to make it feel like scraping your scrotum over a rusty cheese grater. Just listen to the lyrics:

"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"
"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"
"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"
"MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE"

Every time I hear that, I want to stab a Phillips-head screwdriver into her, yes, her face. Just watch the music video when she says that. If I were living in the novel 1984, Room 101 would be that face saying "MEEEEE yeah, MEEEEEEE" over and over.

Another thing I cannot stand about Joan Jett is that she is ugly. That's not a crime, and I actually respect artists who are ugly because that means they rose to fame due to their skill at music. However, Joan Jett has the bitchy tendency to show off her body in bikinis and such in music videos, which people describe as "hot".

I don't even know what I'm looking at. Just look at those veins, the greasy skin. In every live performance she wears that same sweaty black bikini, too much makeup, and ends up looking like a shitstained toilet stall in a Food4Less.