Waterworld Extended Edition (2008)

Waterworld is one of my favorite movies, even though it was one of the biggest box office flops in history. Now with the extended edition, fans get 40 more minutes of deleted scenes not seen in the original version. Does the extra material help? I say absolutely. The extra footage gives a greater insight into the world and culture of Waterworld.

When people first see this movie, many are drawn to the central story and action scenes. However, it is the atmosphere and struggle of the everyday people are that is really fleshed out in the Extended Edition. The extended scenes gives more haunting details of Waterworld society and how much time has passed since true civilization existed. The viewer really gets a sense of the desolation and despair of living in Waterworld, which comes from the scarcity and death that pervades every scene.

Also, I made this video of Kevin Costner being the biggest asshole ever in Waterworld:

Left 4 Dead

Your own quick wits, a firearm and three potentially idiotic total strangers are all that's between you and a million contagious lunatics who all run as fast as Kenyans. To round out the 28 Day Later zombie crowd, there are also "special" zombies who can tongue you from a distance, throw cars at you, and barf at you so you go blind, This game is fun as hell.

However, I've yet to be able to play it with any of my cheap-ass friends who are all jobless and destitute, so I'm stuck with whomever the game randomly groups me with, which is a thrill in itself. Will I get Der Fuhrer, the gamer Nazi who angrily demands I follow his orders over voice chat? Will I get the Sprinter, the guy who just says "Ok RUN, RUN, JUST RUN" and takes off as soon as the game starts (and is immediately mobbed and eaten alive)? Will I get That One Guy Who Freaks Out? The Friendly Fire Idiot? The group of friends who all know each other and talk about me like I'm not there? The 4Chan Griefers? It sure is fun to find out.

Rating: Fucking Awesome
Pros: The first cooperative shooter that requires actual cooperation
Cons: "Guys, if I start to turn, you'll shoot me won't you?"
"Sure." *BLAM*
"Not yet you teamkilling faggot! Ah SHIT!"
Second Opinion Rating: I will...I will...I WILL SURVIVE!!!

Spore

The best part of Spore, in my opinion, is one of the elements that made The Sims so enjoyable. It's the fact that it makes hard-core gaming losers scream and gnash their teeth about how "It's not really a game! There's no points! There's no goal! I can't pwn n00bs in 1v1! What a waste of my precious time" etc etc etc.

So, what, Maxis shouldn't even bother to sell it? Because it violates some ancient gaming law about what games should be? Put it into perspective, you're not doing anything important anyway, that's why you're playing a fucking game. You're amusing yourself. When you stay up late at night jacking off to MILF porn on your quad-core gaming rig, it's not like you instantly go on a porn site message board afterwards and complain that squirting your load in a tissue had no point. No, because that's one of your favorite hobbies aside from maximizing your build orders in Starcraft or something similarly horrible. It has no point except you enjoyed it. Gaming has no point except for enjoyment. If your only source of self-worth comes from winning online video games against strangers and spreadsheeting various damages versus various unit types, then you yourself have no point. Deal with it and shut the fuck up.

The only problem here is that while The Sims was fun despite nerd ranting and a best-seller to boot, Spore is not really that good. I myself like many others bought it because of that one video Wil Wright made a year or so ago showing the progression from cell to animal to spaceman, and it was amazing. In contrast, Spore the Actual Game is just an amusing little software toy built within the framework of 5 different, mostly boring mini-games: Pac-Man (cell), World of Warcraft lite (creature), Starcraft lite (tribe), Civilization ultra-lite (City) and Spore in Space. The only modes I would even consider sitting down and playing at this point are the Space, Cell and maybe Creature stages. City stage was so horrendously boring that I only played it once, and I will always use a cheat code to skip it if I ever play the game seriously again. I managed to build a vehicle composed of tank treads, robot legs, strobe lights and guns that I named "KILLMONSTER," but other than building custom stuff I can't remember doing anything fun.

But, it's not even a serious game, so why complain? Maybe I care because I spent 50 bucks on it. FUCK.

Rating: Disappointing >:(
Pros: Sporn
Cons: Anti-sandbox game nerds win the argument
Second Opinion Rating: It is real, okay? I created it, and it's real.

Asia Rising Magazine

Pick up one of these at your local Walmart to get a textbook example of race based marketing turned racist cheesing. This publication is a collection of articles showcasing the achievements of people with black hair. How exotic! I had no idea that those foreigners were allowed to participate in the American economy.

Part 1: What better way to catch people's attention than by putting a sassy Korean clothing model on the cover? That is an absolute requirement. Just to be safe, better put that Korean guy, Rain, on the cover just for racial correctness. Rain is on the cover of every in-your-face Asian focus magazine.
PS. Speedracer = gay

Part 2: Walmart says that Asian people are rising because they do cool stuff. Take this guy, Charlie Woo, who is a huge success because he sells imported Chinese goods to Walmart. Conflict of interest? Naaaah, that doesn't exist in Asiatica.
Or how about this- Did you know that the chef at the White House is Filipino? I had no idea that was possible! I thought that all people from the Philippines work as babysitters. I am now enlightened.

Part 3: There is nothing that Asian people care more about than education. Better put an article about that in here and have it written by an Asian person. It's okay if the article is a shameless plug about buying Hooked on Phonics or some shit as long as it's authored by a doctorate. Doctorates deserve our respect damn it.
Three words that Asian people jump on: Success, Technology, Education. ("Ladder" happens to be another) How can they resist this bait when it's all in the same sentence? Wait...what does it say after that?
Foreman!? This is a Korean woman married to a white man. Or is it Black? This article is automatically worthless. "Asia Rising" my ass. Getting a rise for Asia in a mail order bride catalog, more like.

So what is this? Tacky salesmanship? Forced racial appeal?
What is Walmart trying to say by printing this? Who knows. However, there happens to be one thing that this magazine shows very clearly: Asian Americans are once again guilty of being the biggest sellouts. No contest.

Ali (2001)

is like the greatest fighter ever. The movie however, was much less spectacular. All I see in this movie is Will Smith being a loud jerk, Will Smith jabbing punching bags, and Will Smith reciting shitty Ali rhymes. (What is this, Bel Air?) Jamie Foxx plays Ali's fight trainer, guiding the "Heavyweight Champion of the World" through hard times. Ali is on his second comeback and the Civil Rights movement is raging. He gets kicked out of some black church and his boxing license revoked for draft dodging Vietnam. As he struggles with this, constant constant gospel music is playing throughout the movie. MAKE IT STOP! God, I hate black church.

Also, Black power
A sparcely watched youtube parition that nobody cares about
Rating: 25%

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Daniel Craig as James Bond take two. -BEGIN- He is once again doing Parkour while chasing a guy around a construction site. That must have been a hit.

Okay, now he is Africa again. Again?! When are the British going to pull out of bloody Africa. I don't even know why he is there because I don't understand the story very well. Daniel Craig is mumbling too much and I can't make out the words. Basically, Bond needs to save the Third World from a multinational corporation or he's gay.

The bad guy in Bond movies always comes up with something stupid. This one lives in a house powered by hydrogen fuel cells that blow up at the slightest provocation. Hey, at least he isn't living in a retarded ice castle like last time.

The bad guy died because he was too busy trying to rape a waitress while his house burned down. Bond gets pissed and begins killing Canadians. Something about a leak. -END-

wtf I don't get it.
Rating: 50%

Star Wars The Force Unleashed (2008)

When I saw this new jedi with a shaved head I thought to myself, "oh god that is ridiculous". Why is the main character a skinhead? Were the designers just being lazy?

Only when I was playing it did I realize the merit behind this. You're a god damn rogue Sith, you're supposed to be angry. There is nothing that carries that anger better than a young white skinhead brimming with hatred for "primitive species". There are no guns in the game because you don't need them. Not even grenades. Your turbulent adolescent emotions do the fighting for you.

You see, the battle is all in your mind. Your gameplay is at its most powerful when you let your hatred flow. You slay your enemies not because you're trying to get past them, but because they offend you. How dare they attack you with blaster rifles. How dare they assault you with droids. You feel this need to eradicate them all.

Rating: pointless but satisfying

Mushishi (2006)

got released to the public by the licensing company, Funimation, for what reason I cannot tell. Faced with an anime without a sufficient amount of screaming or muscular dysmorphia, the networks probably decided to make it public domain because they wouldn't be able to sell any buff figurines. However, I am very impressed by the dubbing they did on this series, which sounded to me like flawless fluent American English.
Mushishi is one of my favorite shows. The endings are satisfying to watch and unlike the more retarded shows, do not end prematurely or in the middle of an attack. It's thoughtful and aesthetically pleasing. The Mushi designs are analogous to natural life science and behave according to Darwinist dogma. That is awesome.

YouTube Playlist
Rating: 100%