The Extremest sport of our time...Skitchin'

Extreme! EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!

Skitchin'-

To enjoy the extreme sport of skitchin' (or "skate hitching") you must have these things:

1. roller blades
2. body armor or proper protective equipment such as wrist guards, gloves, kneepads and shinpads
3. a pipe or something to hit other skitchers with
4. a freeway with heavy traffic
5. an outstanding desire for extremity

or as an alternative

6. a sega genesis/sega genesis emulator (like Gens) and the skitchin' game cartridge (or ROM)

note: this alternative method of skitchin' makes you a pussy.


Skitchin's rules are simple. It's basically a skate race against you and about 14 of your punk-rock anarchist buddies, all of whom are trying to be the first five to cross the finish line in order to advance to the next city. For example, I generally skitch in Oakland on I580 Eastbound from downtown to the I80 interchange. If I get in the top 5, I advance to Berkeley, then San Francisco, Sacramento, etc. In the Genesis game, you start in Vancouver and end up in New York if you survive.

What makes Skitchin' so extreme is the fact that you're allowed to grab onto passing cars for a speed boost. This is the "hitchin'" portion of the sport, where you fling yourself from car to car in order to pass the competition. Maybe you'll grab onto a Camaro going 90 in the 65 zone, maybe you'll grab a granny driver who pulls to the side if she sees you in her rear view mirror. Maybe you'll get a psycho who will change lanes to throw you to the pavement or pop the trunk to knock you off. The variety is as endless as the good people you share the road with!

Here on your car I feel safest of all...

Your competition of course isn't just about to let you get away with trying to pass them. That's why beating people to death is a vital portion to the sport. If you were to find Kirkland (as shown above) hanging on for dear life to this Jeep Grand Cherokee and skitched onto it yourself, it would be perfectly legal to punch him in the teeth. Never mind that he'll end up in the fetal position in the middle the lane on a busy highway...you're in this game to win!

You have chosen...WOODEN BAT.

Skitchin' is also quite lucrative. Everything you do is televised by a chaser car which streams the race live for all paying viewers. If you hit a body on the road and do the flying splits and stick it...congratulations! You just won 5 bucks! Winning a race in first generally gets you 100 smackers, knocking a guy to the ground with a cattle prod will get you another fiver. What really pays the bills, however, is finding a police cruiser and skitchin' off of that for a good minute or two without getting caught. This can earn you a buck a second, and a few minutes of that will earn you enough money to get those new skates you've always been eying.

Shitty Skitchin' choice, dude.

So there you have it...think you're willing to brave hard pavement, angry highway patrollmen, murderous drivers and pipe-wielding anti-establishment types? Good. I didn't think you were a flaming homo. See you on I80 Eastbound!!

Review by - Frankenstein