Saturday, December 30, 2006

I just Blogged your Blog: An Experiment in Meta-Blogging, part 1

Domestic Nemesis ( -

Name: Gina aka Ms. Non Sequitor
Location: Madison, Wisconson
Blogging since: August

Summary: Little Ms. look-at-me-I'm-in-grad-school has her own blog! Let the zaniness commence! Reading this made me want to commit suicide, not because it's emo or anything (unfortunately) but because her life is just so interesting and fun and zany that it makes my own life look pale and worthless with a distinct lack of zaniness by comparison. What we have here, folks, is a professional Blogger who knows the ropes and won't hesitate to speak her mind for all to read, no matter the consequences! AMEN, SISTER.

Notable quotes:

"Is it silly to post a picture of my butt? I say what the hell, I might as well post it while I'm young, so I don't have to post it when I'm old and saggy!"

-Frankenstein Says: A noble sentiment, but I wish you were hotter and wearing less pants.
-Balls Says: uh.....
-Justin Says: No.
-Pat Says: Alcoholics don't deserve money.

"I'm in pain with every keystroke but I had to tell everyone the good news! I got an A on my second ethno paper. Yes it was only 3 pages but thanks to Templar's excellent proofing skills I really, truly got my first A in grad school. Yipppeeeee Hugs for everyone!"

-Frankenstein Says: I remember college. My first quarter I got a 3.8 GPA and thought I was the bee's knees, gave hugs to everyone and all that. Then the second quarter I actually took a class that was required to graduate, watched the GPA plummet and went from hugs 4 everyone to savage beatings of strangers in moonlit alleyways. Not bitter though. I'm not.
-Balls Says: uhhhh.....
-Justin Says: Fat.
-Pat Says: IF you blow them they will cum. Grades, salty liquids, and a field of dreams.

"Sometimes I eat so fast I make myself choke. I was just eating this pepper jack cheese one of the peppers got stuck in the wrong then while I was coughing and hacking, I shoved in more cheese and chips because I was so hungry-which made me choke even more. It was so stupid, but I couldn't stop myself from eating so fast."

-Frankenstein Says: Considering the nicknames she gives everyone like Uncle Q and The Raj, at first I assumed Pepper Jack was some dude. Cmon, Jack, show some restraint, she's suffering!
-Balls Says:uhhhhhh.....
-Justin Says: What.
-Pat Says: Stupid people have no balance. There are those that eat too much, and those that eat not enough. I say kill all of those that deviate from the standard, that is all.

"Since I'm talking about toenails...I think hair fits in the same category being as they are somehow both made of the same material. I don't understand why so much of mine falls out and why it is all over the place! No matter what I do, the hair will simply not stay in my head. Weird."

-Frankenstein Says: And yet another grad student in Radiology learns the hard way.
-Balls Says: zomg stop
-Justin Says: What is this.
-Pat Says: Use glue....stick it.

Final Review:

Wordiness Score: !!!! (4 out of 5)
Zaniness Score: :D :D :D :D :D (5 out of 5!!! HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!)
Emo Score: o_\\ (1 out of 5.)
WTF Score: ??? (3 out of 5)
Pix Score: .jpg .jpg (2 out of 5)

Verdict: Lame but perky.

Friday, December 29, 2006

I am Time's Person Of The Year

Finally, after years of being snubbed by the people at Time Magazine, I get the recognition that I had worked so hard for:

I guess uploading all those videos of prank calls to the Gogeous George show on Youtube really paid off. Although I'm not sure if I completley deserve the honors of Person Of The Year. I faced some stiff competition with the guy who uploaded the videos of people vomiting during live TV interviews, or the other guy who uploaded videos of large flopping dicks in the background of news reports. Or the video of the guy doing a backflip off a dumpster and breaking his face on the concrete. I mean, those were good.

Who the hell are we kidding? Time's Person Of The Year means jack shit. Just look at how condecending the caption on the front cover is. "Yes, you", as if the mere common dogshit populace would never consider themselves important or noteworthy. "You control the information age. Welcome to your world." Yeah, well our world sucks. Thank god we have Time Magazine telling us that we have empowered ourselves to watch videos of college frat boys breaking bottles over each other's heads. Welcome to the future.

Time's Person of The Year never meant jack shit after 2001:

Seriously, FUCK Guliani. So worthless. I admit Time Magazine partially redeemed themselves in 2002, honoring the three people who blew open the Enron scandel, but Time returned to their usual douchebaggery in 2003:

Maybe in 1943. In 2003 there were a lot more people who deserved the honor than a bunch of people with guns who kill other people for money. Like those high school janitors who have to clean up human feces on bathroom floors because an outgoing senior thought it was funny to leave a "going away present". Let's take a moment to make sure this cover is all in order. Token black guy...check. Majority of white guys....check. Hooded, naked Abu Ghraib prisoner being led around on a leash....oh wait I guess that wouldn't be patriotic. Well congrajulations, American Soldier. Don't feel bad dying to an IED because we already gave you all we got. Stuff like this is so effective I put a "Support the troops" sticker on the back of my car so now US M16s will fire with +1 damage and with extra 2D6 damage to Arabs .

So Person of the Year in 2004 went to George W. Bush. Gay. 2005 was just as stupid with this:

Bill Gates, Bono, and Melinda Gates. So basically it's just Bill Gates but for some reason the geniuses at Time decided to put that douchebag Bono in there. I guess having a computer nerd on the cover of Time wouldn't sell any magazines, but Bono just raises the coolness level of the cover to the max. I also like how Melinda Gates is just tacked onto the right edge of the cover, like she's trying to get her face in the picture before they snap the photo. And why is Bono inserted between Bill and Melinda Gates like Bono was one of their sons?

And that brings us to the total cop-out of 2006, where "everybody wins!". It took ten years for Time to recognize that the internet is the next big thing? Fuck them. I wish Time would stop pussing out, choose a real person (emphasis on the singular here) and choose someone who really matters.

Thursday, December 28, 2006


I hate Borat, if you see it you should immediately cut off your phallus and poison yourself with Clorox Bleach. Nobody should want to continue living or carrying on lineage after seeing this movie. It should be locked in a vault for 10million years, so we can have time to recover from its crippling lack of humor. I hope Sacha Barons family tries to stuff him back up his mothers’ ass which birthed him. Sometimes parents have a hard time throwing away their child after they realize they took a shit instead of experienced the miracle of child birth. This can happen during a miscarriage while simultaneously ejecting last nights Chicken Famoso through the anal cavity. Confused by the timing the mother will put the discolored shit into a container and take care of it as if it were her own child until it reaches adult age. Even though it creates an excess stink and it never fully develops, it somehow manages to create a movie. That movie is Borat. So unless you want to watch something made from the irritable bowels of a delusional shit keeping middle aged woman, I suggest you fight for your rights and rise up against this horrible travesty of a movie. Burn candles in the wind, and pray to your gods to cause all copies of this film to be vanished from earth. It is the only way to end the chaos and save your soul, do it, or die.

Review By - Pat

The Extremest sport of our time...Skitchin'



To enjoy the extreme sport of skitchin' (or "skate hitching") you must have these things:

1. roller blades
2. body armor or proper protective equipment such as wrist guards, gloves, kneepads and shinpads
3. a pipe or something to hit other skitchers with
4. a freeway with heavy traffic
5. an outstanding desire for extremity

or as an alternative

6. a sega genesis/sega genesis emulator (like Gens) and the skitchin' game cartridge (or ROM)

note: this alternative method of skitchin' makes you a pussy.

Skitchin's rules are simple. It's basically a skate race against you and about 14 of your punk-rock anarchist buddies, all of whom are trying to be the first five to cross the finish line in order to advance to the next city. For example, I generally skitch in Oakland on I580 Eastbound from downtown to the I80 interchange. If I get in the top 5, I advance to Berkeley, then San Francisco, Sacramento, etc. In the Genesis game, you start in Vancouver and end up in New York if you survive.

What makes Skitchin' so extreme is the fact that you're allowed to grab onto passing cars for a speed boost. This is the "hitchin'" portion of the sport, where you fling yourself from car to car in order to pass the competition. Maybe you'll grab onto a Camaro going 90 in the 65 zone, maybe you'll grab a granny driver who pulls to the side if she sees you in her rear view mirror. Maybe you'll get a psycho who will change lanes to throw you to the pavement or pop the trunk to knock you off. The variety is as endless as the good people you share the road with!

Here on your car I feel safest of all...

Your competition of course isn't just about to let you get away with trying to pass them. That's why beating people to death is a vital portion to the sport. If you were to find Kirkland (as shown above) hanging on for dear life to this Jeep Grand Cherokee and skitched onto it yourself, it would be perfectly legal to punch him in the teeth. Never mind that he'll end up in the fetal position in the middle the lane on a busy're in this game to win!

You have chosen...WOODEN BAT.

Skitchin' is also quite lucrative. Everything you do is televised by a chaser car which streams the race live for all paying viewers. If you hit a body on the road and do the flying splits and stick it...congratulations! You just won 5 bucks! Winning a race in first generally gets you 100 smackers, knocking a guy to the ground with a cattle prod will get you another fiver. What really pays the bills, however, is finding a police cruiser and skitchin' off of that for a good minute or two without getting caught. This can earn you a buck a second, and a few minutes of that will earn you enough money to get those new skates you've always been eying.

Shitty Skitchin' choice, dude.

So there you have it...think you're willing to brave hard pavement, angry highway patrollmen, murderous drivers and pipe-wielding anti-establishment types? Good. I didn't think you were a flaming homo. See you on I80 Eastbound!!

Review by - Frankenstein

Gerald Ford Died

Gerald Ford died. Who the hell cares? What did Gerald Ford ever do for anybody? The only reason anyone knows about him is because he was the guy that came into power after that other guy fucked up. And he wasn't even voted in as Vice President, he was appointed by Congress after the old guy left. His only real accomplishment was being the oldest former president, and all he had to do for that was breathe.

I hate Gerald Ford.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter

Blogging is kind of like writing naughty Naruto/Xena warrior princess fanfics, throwing it into your recycle bin which you never empty and assuming no one will come across it later and serve you with a court summons.

But with that in mind, here's some great personal opinions on various subjects:

Left from Right: Allen, some guy, You, Brown

Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (a.k.a. the game that came free with my new video card)-

This game starts on a really good note. That note is what I like to call the "start menu." There's a cool cinematic playing in the background that I guess they decided to chop into various pieces, so that when you choose "load game" you see one movie and when you pick "options" you get to see another. This movie I daresay is one of the coolest parts of the matter how laxidaisical I was about loading my game, the cinematic always managed to pump me up and get my adrenaline flowing. Your guys are walking down a street in Mexico City when they hear a tank coming, so the main character (the guy you play) flips on his helmet-mounted digital display and his team breaks into two fireteams. One fireteam chucks a smoke grenade (which aren't in the actual game) while the other fireteam shoots the confused tank with a shoulder-mounted missile using good tactical planning (also not simulated in the game). After that, they continue to walk down the street in a group. Here comes my favorite part. They hear another engine coming up, so your character holds his hand up in a "stop" gesture to his guys. A pickup truck with a bunch of mexicans in the back roll by. One of them sees your character and thinks he's waving, so he waves back. Your team stands down and continues on their way. Later, your guy swings his rifle up towards another noise, but it's just a woman shutting her window in fear. I thought it was a really cool way to showcase the civilian element in urban combat (not simulated in this game). Later on your guy shoots a guy through the wall he's hiding behind, utilizing his heat-sensing goggles to find his target (which are not simulated in the game either.) You may have noticed that the start-menu cinematic shows you a lot of cool stuff that's not actually in the game, but I don't hold it against the cinematic for lying to me, because it still pumps me up every time.

This game is ostensibly based on a forgettable series of books by Tom Clancy, master of the cheap military fluff novel. Your guy's name is Mitchell, and he's the leader of a futuristic 4-man squad air-dropped deep into Mexico City in order to clean out a rebel force that has kidnapped the Mexican and American Presidents and the Canadian Prime Minister. I guess the Canadians are so religious that their leader is some kind of super-reverend, but the Mexican rebels don't care about Protestantism and they kill him anyway. The rest of the game determines whether or not you're a bad enough dude to rescue the President. Not the US President...when you find him he's managed to rescue himself with the help of a pistol he stole from a guard whose throat he tore out with his bare hands. The Mexican President is the guy you have to watch out for, because he's basically lying in the fetal position in a bombed-out embassy and you have to pick him up bodily and throw him in a helicopter to save his sorry ass. What, the IED was too much for you? Pussy.

Your squad isn't the most memorable bunch of guys either...there's Allen the insane sniper, another white guy with a hard name to remember, and of course Brown. He's the black guy, so it's easy to remember which one he is. Chalk up one for Tom Clancy's brilliant penmanship! Each of them is equally bright, which means they'll point their gun at you instead of the enemy while moonwalking directly into enemy fire. And they die...a LOT. I sometimes used them as decoys to lure enemy bullets while I headshotted them from range. Why not? Even if they're left to die bullet-ridden in the gutter, they just magically re-appear in the next level. There's a good reason why your team is called Ghost Recon. You'll say "try not to fuck it up again this time, Brown" more times than you can count after he magically respawns next to you in the chopper for the umpteenth time. And then he stares right into your soul with his pure-white eyes and gives you a toothy, open-mouthed grin. CREEPY.

So despite all the bad, unfinished elements of this game, here are some good bits:

1. The running slide: You can sprint for cover in the midst of a deadly firefight and hit spacebar, which makes your character leap and slide across the ground while dust sprays onto the screen and lingers there for a few seconds. I used this feature way too many times because it's just too cool.

2. The "teaching blind and deaf retards to read" aspect: The first time I actually coaxed Allen to actually use the shoulder-mounted missile he was carrying in order to shoot down a helicopter (because I had already used mine) I was so proud I could have wept.

3. Obligatory black heavy-weapons dude named Brown: He was everything I could have hoped for in a strong yet clichéd african-american character. Sometimes I'd give an order and he'd be like "Uhh..YEA..MOVING sir!" like he didn't think it was such a good idea but did it anyway. Then he'd open up with a hail of bullets from his light machine gun while screaming "COVERING FIRE, FIRE!!" and I'd grin like an idiot.

4. The camera drone: Sometimes if you're lucky they give you a little camera drone that flies around the battlefield like a little remote helicopter and targets bad guys for you. I loved that little fucker, especially the robot-noise he made when I gave him an order.

5. The Spanish classes finally paying off in real life: The Mexican rebels actually speak Spanish, so it was nice when during a firefight one of them would yell "Estoy recargante, Señor!" and or "Estoy tirando granada!" and knowing what the hell that meant. Hint: One means "I'm defenseless, please shoot me" and the other means "I'm gonna frag this fucker if he doesn't move in the next 3 seconds, and even if he does the black guy is gonna die anyway because he doesn't know Spanish."

Rating: can't rate because it was free

Reviewed by - Frankenstein

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Enemy At the Gates, Timeline, KEANE!!

In newsweek it says that 100,000 weblog "blogs" are created each and every goddamn day. This one was made on december 9. It now has 2 posts.

Here are some fun movie reviews either from me or stolen from other peoples' AOL instant messanger profiles. Forgot to trademark your shit, didn't ya?

Enemy At the Gates-
After being consistently shot in the head by freaks with such names as ~SnipelordVassilyZeitzef6969~ and (TheDecimatorz)KaptainK(+)onig in various shooter games online, I started to wonder what all the fuss was about with this damn movie. The fact of it is, everyone deep down has the primal caveman urge to throw a rock at a guy from a perfect hiding spot and yell out "OWNED!!" (or I guess "MUGWAH!!" in caveman language) as the victim rubs the huge lump on his head and makes up a new primitive meteor-god on the spot to explain the occurrence. This primal urge stayed pretty much the same as man evolved into what he is now, which means instead of rocks he uses high-powered scoped rifles from 800 meters and aims directly for the eye so as not to ruin the pelt. Real snipers nowadays (or at least the good ones) chant "I am a rock...I am a stone...I do not move" before pegging Germans in the head while their easily-killed sniper buddies do something completely retarded like light up a cigarette in the middle of a war-zone or scream "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE *SPLAT*" as their brains get spread out over the general vicinity...cause they're just not as cool as hero ~[Fatal!ty]SnipePimpJudeLaw2005~ or Vasily Zeitzef as he's supposed to be playing. This movie is actually pretty swell in that it portrays the Eastern front of WW2, which pretty much goes against every other WW2 movie ever made, ever. Why? Because I guess western audiences just don't get the appeal of 10,000 guys screaming "URRAH!!" and running into a hail of deadly gunfire (which explains the lack of WW1 movie appeal too). Two things I learned from this movie...
1. Commissars are the best! Who else gets to scream "Not one step taken in retreat!" and shoot their own guys as they panic and try to get away? I don't want to get into the Iraq war, but here's what's missing over there: Guys like that.
2. Sniper Sex. You fucking heard me, when snipers have sex they do it covert style so no one can see or hear them. This makes for the hottest and most covert sex scene ever filmed. From now on, it's only sniper sex for me. She'll be wondering where the hell I am, and suddenly...BAM out of nowhere comes the money shot right in her eye. I'll probably have to be hiding in the closet, or maybe by the window of the house next door...
review by - Frankenstein

Having read the book in my freshman year of highschool I wanted to see the movie when it came out in the summer of 03. David stopped me by saying the movie sucked, probably beacause he read so on rottontomatoes. He was right. The only part I enjoyed was watching trebuchets pound English fortifications under volly fire by battlefront longbowmen, which I then duplicated on aoe2.
review by- balls

Who says indie films aren't good? My favorite part was when Keane started clawing at his face and screaming at strangers to stop looking at him at a bowling alley. Or maybe it was when, having lost his daughter in a public place in New York, he assumes the next random person he meets in the subway station was her abductor and physically attacks him when he tries to get a cab. Luckily some random people kick his ass and he runs away muttering to himself. Or maybe when he babysits the young daughter of the woman he meets at a seedy motel and decides to abandon her a few times just for kicks. And you lost your own Or maybe it's when he hooks up in a nightclub with some woman in the public restroom and accidentally blows his load inside her even though she told him not to. Oh, Keane! You're always getting yourself into scrapes. I think this movie could have been improved 1000% by including a soundtrack (to complement the nonexistent one) with one of those little tubas going wah wah wahhhhhhh after he did anything disturbing or insane. A 15 minute long uninterrupted shot of you muttering insanities to yourself in the subway station? Keane, what are we ever going to do with you! Wah wahhhhhhh.
review by - Frankenstein

Saturday, December 9, 2006











DUMPED ON MYSPACE: THIS BAND is really good, (sorry i had the caps lock on fuck lol) anyway this badn is real good if relatively unheard of, I of course heard about it on myspace from my myspace friend Balls who is gonna co-write this blog, i started talkin to him cause he was in my extended network, his first post was check out this badn it rocks //_o totally emokid, the lead singer is like his roommate (and i would totally make out wihth him if i did not already have prior commitments) ans his name is just 'Africa' is that not so totally awesomely emo i mean fuck i asked africa to co-write this blog but he said he wasw off blogging after his girl left him for a blogger on myspace. i read the blog and it is actually really good

The Modoc Hotshots: This band is actually real famous for only being out of Alturas, CA, tiny little town i guess but a real strong emo scene over there, there music is pretty good i knew this kid who was in it hes on myspace his name under "smoketrap" which i guess is his band name, really good screamo stuff i guess but a lot of screamin

thats all for now, i guess i can make reviews of stuff othr than emo bands but FUCK THAT only if i run out of emo bands or the scene goes dead which is no way possible lol emo 4evr

Quote of the day: ...was the exemplar in calculated cruelty and creative murder. It set the standard for twistedly righteous and emotionless massacres of peoples that we dislike for thier acts of sin. But by connecting sin to acts of horrific killings, it erroneously suggests that murder is the basis for righteous morals, which unfortunately, a majority of people have accepted as truth.
-my myspace firend Balls i dont know his real name yet sorry lol