Cruel Virgin (http://www.cruelvirgin.blogspot.com/)
Name: Mysteriously absent...
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Blogging Since: June 2005
Summary: Cruelly under-appreciated public college lecturer who is fascinated, just fascinated about a great variety of subjects. Oh, cruel world, why hast thou made me smarter and more eloquent than everyone else so that I might endure the pain and suffering I see in the troubled world of today? And blog endlessly on and on and on about it? Cruel Virgin is truly a learn-ed person who ruminates about pretty much every dumb thing she reads about in her alternative newsletters and sees on her favorite public access TV shows. And what a tortured individual she is! Who else would dare featuring "cruel utterances" instead of just plain "replies" in their blog? Oh yeah, and she thinks the Iraq war is just about oil and that Bush lies. How unique!
Notable Quotes:
"I don't know if this post will address those who still trust in time. I'm not writing this at a great moment in which everything is just lovely. I feel some hurts from the past bubbling up, things I thought I was done with, but wouldn't you know--they found me again. But I refuse to be a fool. I will live life harboring my strengths, not bemoaning my weaknesses and damage. I won't punish the human race for what a few rotten souls chose to do when they forgot the difference between good and evil."
Frankenstein Says: After reading a few of this woman's posts, I may have to go out on a limb and say that she might not be very capable of punishing the entire human race for its evils, or even a portion of it, or even a portion of the insect race. However, I have a feeling she has enough meager strength in her waifish, pacifist fingers to type out another million-word post every 3 days.
Balls Says: I want to go to her emo lecture.
Justin Says:
Pat Says: I agree, the world is filled with good and evil except she failed to give any specific examples. Perhaps she needs to quit giving us all blue balls and actively describe these foul demons she keep crying about. Oh boo fucking hoo, so much evil in the world. Yea, you know who i think is evil that overgrown birthmark on your upperlip. You need someone with a sword and a horse, or maybe even a blood sucking leech working in dermatology. At least he get's paid to "cut" things off stupid bitches. Maybe you should go to congress and bitch about the rights of dermatologists and make it legal for them to cut your fucking head off. I've had about enough of you stupid birthmark girl!
"I went to the doctor yesterday only to find out the gladsome news that I have pneumonia. It's one thing to be sick, but I have a ton of work to do before I start work next week (providing I'm better). So if I am invisible from your blogs and equally invisible on mine, it's because it is hard to sit up for long periods of time
and when I can, I get my work done. Let's hope these inhalers and antibiotics do their thing. I hope all of you are well. Drink lots of fluids--that's what they are telling me to do!
Thanks for coming here, and I'll be back soon. Feel free to share your illness stories with me. If I don't comment right away, it doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just that there are some germs out there that hate me!"
Frankenstein Says: Sickliness: Check. Shout-outs to other blogs: Check. Crybaby attitude towards obstacles: Check. Use of word "gladsome:" Check. Tower, we are go for suicide, commencing razor sequence...now.
Balls Says: The fact that the doctor failed to notice and diagnose the razor scars on her wrists and periferals and possibly face is a case in medical malpractice.
Justin Says:
Pat Says: This girl has a serious case of hypochondria. If I somewhat cared about this girl and her problems I'd suggest having a monogamous relationship with a cat, or 20. Cat's are tidy and tend to clean after themselves. You can always kick them and they won't be dead til after their ninth life. So when you think your sneeze carried the most deadly plague on the planet and your cat is lying on the ground in a cold sweat barely moving. Don't worry because your cat will pop up like a piece of burnt toast and announce that he has 8 more lives to spare on your disease infested/parasite hotel/body/soul which ever you chose to indentify yourself by, lousy stinking carcass. Eitherway I hope you consider death as your only option.
"Here is my deepest fear: harm to my child. Would I hate if someone hurt, abused and murdered my child? I am no seer, but the odds are leaning toward the negative zone. Would killing the perpetrator with my own hands cease the effects of the crime? No, it makes my grief selfish. I won't be able to stop thinking about what happened to my child, even if his attacker goes through the exact torments that he endured. So what can be done?"
Frankenstein Says: All of this is, of course, hypothetical if she is in fact an actual virgin, which I have no reason to doubt. I bet her uterus broke during volleyball practice in seventh grade PE.
Balls Says: Killing a criminal with your own hands sounds exhilarating to me...that is...if you can.
Justin Says:
Pat Says: Children are like rats, you have lots of them so if one dies, you wont feel so bad. Havent you ever read any of Stalins work. He once said a beautiful quote along the lines, "Kill one person, it becomes a tragedy, kill a million it becomes a statistic." You obviously haven't killed enough people otherwise you'd be counting them out with those huge graphing calculators that have paper print-outs. So my advice is to kill yourself.
"I discovered a new talent: I am great at making enemies. This may not shock many of you, but it hit me like a Mack truck this morning. I piss people off royal--at times, I am okay with that, because certain things need to be said, and I am willing to say them. Yet lately I have been generally avoiding problematic issues unless they truly challenge me. In other words, I have been trying to lay low."
Frankenstein Says: When everything you say is pretentious enough to legally require a punch in the face, it's hard to make friends.
Balls Says: wtf is a mack truck.
Justin Says:
Pat Says: I hope you can't avoid problematic people who are sick of your insesent rambling. We need something in this world. Not stupid people who identify problems. No we have enough of those we arent hiring anymore the doors are shut. We need people who will make people like you shut the fuck up. I propose manufacturing double barrel shot guns and handing them out on halloween. Let kids try them out, adults are too careful they cant kill anything except for stupid fury animals in Idalo when they release government regulations. Kids dont give a fuck about government regulations because a majority of them can't even read. Fuck you emo bitch.
"I was tested for autism as a child because I would not talk to anyone except my mom, my older brother and occasionally to one of my sisters. I could sit somewhere for hours and say nothing. I miss those days."
Frankenstein Says: All together now...
Balls Says: I don't see why she misses that since blogging is also "sitting silently somewhere for hours."
Justin Says:
Pat Says: Autism? put that on your resume. I bet the fortune 500 will be knocking at your door with an Austrian Glock to make you shut the fuck up.
Final Review:
Wordiness Score: !!!!! (5 out of 5. Blogger.com now has entire servers dedicated to her cruel utterances)
Zaniness Score: :D (1 out of 5, hard to be zany when the weight of the world is crushing your ovaries)
Emo Score: o_\\ o_\\ o_\\ o_\\ (4 emokids out of 5)
WTF Score: ???? (4 out of 5)
Pix Score: .jpg .jpg .jpg .jpg .jpg (5 out of 5. Wow. Just wow.)
Verdict: Nerdy, frumpy girl becomes pacifist vigilante, thanks to the internet. Which the Army invented, partly to help make killing Viet and Iraqi babies more efficient. The irony is the cruellest part of all.
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