The Davis police, too busy enforcing traffic and parking violations(and eating at the Silver Dragon Restaurant), are unwilling to help victims of theft simply because the police dept can't make a profit from it. Thus each time my bike was kidnapped, I was left to find redemption on my own.
In my efforts to find them, I have successfully recovered many lost bikes. I have even been able to come face to face with a red-handed thief. But in the end, I am left angry and I seek vengeance, so this is what I am going to do.
ABSTRACT
We're going spend some of our free time running a sting operation. A bait bike will be used to hook a thief, and allow us to intercept him. After that, we don't really have a solid plan, but we are open to suggestions.
HOW TO USE
From my experience, thieves will take anything that is unlocked, no matter how shitty it is. Therefore, a well placed bait bike can expect a bite in between 10-60 minutes.
The next step is interception. Stopping and dismounting a biker requires no more than clever positioning and a short sprint.
At this point, we have a thief in our disposal. How will he react? No matter what he does, the actions we must take are clear. We use a Chris Hansen style hold-and-bombard method to extract information from the thief, which we will then post online in interview format. Hopefully, these results will be posted here soon.
EXPECTED RESULT
Based on Chris Hansen's entrapment results that have been televised on NBC, we expect the thief to struggle at least a little bit. Will he stay and admit guilt or run off frantically? Will he try to lie his way out or attempt to plea bargain, or will this just be really awkward? Will he get angry and attack us? We shall fucking see.
What about trying Citizens Arrest?
Too risky. Citizen's arrest law varies widely from region to region and are very nebulous in nature. It applies only when one witnesses a felony in action, and bike theft may be a felony or only a misdemeanor depending on the market value of the bike/how it was stolen. By the letter of the law, we do not have the power to detain someone that just took our bike. Factor in the complications of physically detaining someone, and citizens arrest becomes a real mess.
Could this be expanded to include car theft?
Uh, yeah sure, but it would be really expensive and probably would require an all-night sting, and that would be boring for us.
Why do bikes get stolen so much?
This testimonal suggests that in the past, bicycles were not so frequently targets of theft, and that after the welfare system was reduced, incidents of bike theft increased dramatically.
Why are people stealing so many bikes in Davis? Is it the syndicate? Are people just opportunists or natural thrill-seekers? It's possible that people are just fucking assholes. Or maybe they just need some quick cash. This experiment will show whether or not this socio-economic explanation is founded or not.
Results to come later.
The Wall of the Missing
The Bike Lawyer
Bike Theft Victim Documentation
6 comments:
Oh I love your brilliant plan
Step 1: bait thieves with a bike
Step 2: Confront them
Step 3: uhhhhhhh
btw just to clarify, my suggestion was to make a bike bomb down at the bike church. remember to videotape it and lay low afterwards
just for your information, you've suggested that to me many times in the past like spikes and spikes with spikes on them and more spikes
god what is with you and spikes
Spikes on spikes is just the most terrible thing I can imagine. You can't grab the body of the spikes in order to avoid the spikiness, because there are still more spikes.
Anyway, I'm just saving you the trouble of camping out for 2 hours in the darkness under a tree before giving up, and having the bike stolen anyway. OR, you could have the satisfaction of seeing a bloody bike seat the next morning.
It'd be better to halfway disassemble the bike. Screw every single thing on the bike to within a millimeter of it falling apart then leave the bike somewhere with a camera rolling.
That'd be some hilarity. Dude jumps on, tries to pedal and has a pedal fall off, slamming his nuts into the top tube, then he turns the handlebars and the front wheel continues going straight, so he turns it over right after the chain flies off. Classic.
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