Night of Bush Capturing

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First of all, this entire game is in English, which makes little sense when America isn't exactly the best recruiting station for Jihadeers. Whatever, makes it easier for me to play, which is a plus. So on the title screen you got poorly cut pictures of Bush, Blair, some bearded guy, another guy, and is that Muqtada al-Sadr? You also got the most stock photo of Osama hanging the in the background, commonly used in those shoot-Osama flash games. Then you got all the standard computer game buttons. "About" doesn't work, and "Credits" all attribute everything to GIMF, the Global Islamic Media Front.

Pressing "New Game" allows you to select three difficulty settings, Easy, Intermediate, and Advanced. This is disappointing, as they should have been cleverly named like in other games, maybe "Infidel, Jihadist, Martyr", or something.

Who knew I could declare Jihad on my computer this easily?

This is the loading screen. They had to have "Start Mission" instead of "Start Jihad"? I should have been on the development team, they need to think of these things.

This part is cool. Right from the beginning you hear a shout of "ALLAHU ACKBAR!" which never fails to get a laugh from me. No disrespect to Islam, but it is funny. The music is the best part, it is some dramatic chanting song in Arabic, no doubt very Jihadist in meaning. I instantly recognized it as M.C. Ez-IED's One Thousand Bombs Down The Throats of The Infidels (So I Can Ascend To Heaven). This song pumps you up. It really makes you feel cool storming this American army base, all of which have huge photographs of a quizzical Bush at the entrance. Imagine blasting this out the window of an American dorm.

Why do American bases cost so much? All the giant portraits of our beloved infidels.

This first level really kicks you in the teeth. It's extremely hard and the controls totally blow. Just walking around your screen will flash red which means someone is shooting you but you can't really tell from which direction or hear anything else but the music, so you have to whirl around frantically trying to look for any poorly-rendered moving polygons. The AI is simple, once an enemy sees you, it moves towards you in a straight line up to a few feet in front of you then starts blasting away. This will go on for eternity unless you kill the enemy, so there is no hope for stealth or anything. Also, there seems to be no range or limit to any weapons, and no recoil or anything, as all bullets go in a straight laser-line, so it's a mystery why enemies choose to run closer to you.

Anyway, I didn't get too far in this first level because there's too many enemies and I'm just one soldier of god taking on an entire American Camp solo. I would think that if I wanted to encourage people to go on Jihads I would make this game easier to build confidence, but whatever. Thankfully, the game comes with pre-saved mission points, so I just jumped to mission 2.

The Americans have advanced to plasma cannons.

More of the same shit, but the music is different. It is a similiar chanting loop that sounds less dramatic, but it is a breath of fresh air after the first level. This level you clear out another American base which looks surprisingly similar to Al-Qaeda training camps. Except this time all the American soldiers pack BFG's for some reason. I didn't get much further than this since there was a door which required a key to open, and that about broke my patience limit.

Pepsi: The preferred beverage for today's working Jihadist

Level 3 is the same deal, with different level and different music. What struck me was the vending machine decal. Pepsi actually paid to advertise in Night of Bush Capturing? And if they didn't, well then Islamic Jihadists must really love Pepsi, which makes it really easy to end this war right now. I won't say exactly how for fear of assassination on me, but I think you get the idea.

I could go on through all the other levels, but the burning desire to capture Bush was too strong, so I jumped straight to the last level.

Last level is called "Bush hunted like a Rat". This is just mean. I wanted to digitally capture Bush, not call him names. Shame on you, Global Islamic Media Front.


You start off with a grenade launcher on top of some hill with a lone port-a-potty. Everything in this game is English except for the signs, but I kind of understand what they want me to do. Fuck you, Global Islamic Media Front, YOU shove your face in a bucket of shit. Inside the wall of the port-a-potty are the words "frabrique in France". What they got against France?


Well at the bottom of the port-a-potty there is a room with Bush, at least I think it's supposed to be Bush. His face looks all contorted and he's really short, like 4 feet in real life. After a few grenade launcher blasts to the face, he's gone. Then, nothing happens. There's no victory cut scene, no credits roll. You can walk around the rest of the level but there's nothing to indicate that you've beaten the game or done a good job. I opted for suicide.

That's pretty much the entire game, a game full of LIES. It's called "Night of bush Capturing", but you're hardly supposed to "capture" Bush, and every level I've seen is in the daytime. What assholes.