I finally got my receipt from TAPS. A "citation coordinator" (aka. train robber) confirmed that every penny was accounted for. Thanks. Hopefully this will teach them not to give ordinary people a hard time and process currency like they're supposed to.
What happens now? At this point, my "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air" prank statement, gets sent to the "administrative hearing officer" (aka. the Holy Inquisition), who will make an arbitrary judgment after skimming a campus parking manual.
Next update coming up in 90 days or less.
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