Harold the Fuckwit

HAROLD THE FUCKWIT

by

Frankenstein


Cast of characters

Dick
Drake
Dana
Harold The Fuckwit

Setting
Near a ditch


Dick
I hate everything

Drake
Yeah. This is the only cool place in town

Dick
Yeah. No one bothers US here

Drake
Yeah. Just think if that one guy knew about this place

Dick and Drake
Harold the Fuckwit

Dick
I hate that fucking guy

Drake
That motherfucker. I hate his diseased carcass.

Dana
I'm hungry. Can't we just get out of here?

Dick
No way. The only place to eat here is at Arby's

Drake
And you know who works at that fucking joint

Dick
Yeah. That fuck. He works there. What a laugh!

Dana
What are you talking about? There's like fifty places to eat around here! I wanna go to Panda Express!

Dick
I'd like to kill that rapist

Drake
That putrid old fuckbucket

Dana
Cmon! This place sucks dick!

Drake
I don't ever wanna leave here! This is the only place he's afraid to go.

Dick
Afraid we'd kill him! And shove that rotting shit sack into the ditch!!

Drake
What a filthy shitfuck!

Dana
Holy shit, why the fuck do you hate that guy so much!?

Dick
That festering mass of fucking filth touched me in the ass!

Drake
He called me a nigger!

Dana
What the FUCK??

Dick
I'd like to rape that horrible cuntbag!

Harold the Fuckwit enters

Dick
OH SHIT

Drake
Don't look! It's that fuck!

Dick
All we ever wanted to do was escape his putrid presence! And now look where he is now!

Dana
Oh, did he hear you? Ohhhhh

Dick
Uh! Why won't he leave us alone and die!

Harold the Fuckwit
WHAT ARE YOU NIGGERS DOING DOWN THERE

Dana
Excuse me?!

Dick
I hate that mangled nippleshit! No way am I gonna let him push us around ever again!

Drake
You conniving fuckbag! You raped me in the eye while the teachers all laughed. Now it's my turn!

Harold the Fuckwit
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME YOU LITTLE FAGGOT? I'M ABOUT READY TO BUST YO TEEF OUT MOTHA FUCKA

(Dick picks up a rotten log)

Dick
I want you to die and I have the means to do it!

Dana
Stop! I'm calling the police

(Dana pulls out a cell phone)

Harold the Fuckwit
MM GIRL DONT YOU TOUCH DAT SHIT BEFO' I BUSS YO ASS WIDE OPEN

Drake grabs the cell phone and hurls it at Harold the Fuckwit, damaging his chestpiece

Harold the Fuckwit
OH HELL NO

(Dana screams in fright)

Dick
Eat this you assmangler!

Dick attacks Harold the Fuckwit with the rotten log. Harold the Fuckwit knocks the log out of his hand and strikes Dick to the ground

Harold the Fuckwit
BITE THE CURB, SUCKA

Dana
Please, just stop! Dick!

Dick
Kill me now but at least I don't have to see your insane visage ever again in the next life!

Drake
You wicked charlatan!

Harold the Fuckwit
BREAK YOSELF MOTHAFUCKA

(Harold the Fuckwit curbs Dick and he dies)

Drake
I knew you were evil from the very start! You'll never have my ass for yourself to rape again!

(Drake commits suicide)

(Dana screams in terror)

Harold the Fuckwit
CALM YOSELF BITCH, YOU MY HO NOW

Dana
Oh god no! Nooo!

(Dana runs away)

Harold the Fuckwit
THATS HOW WE DO, UNHHH!

Harold throws the bodies in the ditch and escapes as sirens approach from the distance

THE END